Two pints of lager and a packet of crisps, please Two pints of lager and a packet of crisps, please I'll have two pints of lager and a packet of crisps, please I'll have some pickled onions And a little bit of cheese, please Thank you Two pints of lager and a packet of crisps, please Eh. Two pints of lager and a packet of crisps, please Two pints of lager and a packet of crisps, please And I've got all the right money And all that, please Thank you Oi! Two pints of lager and a packet of crisps, please Ay! Two pints of lager and a packet of crisps, please Two pints of lager and a packet of crisps, please I've been here half hour And I'm getting very thirsty! Two pints of lager and a packet of crisps, please Over here! Oi! Two pints of lager and a packet of crisps, please Two pints of lager and a packet of crisps, please Why won't you serve me? Two pints of lager and a packet of crisps, please Two pints of lager and a packet of crisps, please Two pints of lager— Listen, I'm getting impatient, John! Two pints of lager and a packet of crisps Two pints of lager and a packet of fff crisps Two pints of lager and a packet of (Time, gentlemen, please!) And a packet of crisps Oh. Ooh