Spike Jones - Happy New Year lyrics

This is my New Year's resolution: When my mother-in-law begins to yell and shout Through the window I would like to throw her out But I resolve not to do it, here is why: I'm afraid of hitting someone pa**ing by This is my New Year's resolution When I'm at the movies watching a love scene And a lady's hat is blocking half the screen I resolve not to shout, "Take off that hat!" I'll remove it gently with a baseball bat This is my New Year's Resolution When I take a lovely lady out to eat And she orders caviar instead of meat I resolve to let the lady have her fill And of course I'll also let her pay the bill This is my New Year's Resolution When I'm sitting with my wifey on a bus And a dear old lady stands in front of us I resolve to be a gentleman discreet I'll politely offer her my wifey's seat This is my New Year's Resolution When my mother says, "Come in, it's time to eat." And I keep on playing games out in the street I resolve to rush right home now when I'm called Cause my pop just got a hairbrush and he's bald This is my New Year's Resolution On the radio this year I hope to score With some funny jokes you've never heard before I resolve not to tell a corny joke Hello, what's that? The church burned down? Holy smoke! This is my New Year's Resolution In this coming year I'm gonna to be discreet Have the Slickers playing music soft and sweet I resolve to treat Tchaikovsky tenderly And set his second movement with TNT This is my New Year's Resolution