South Park - Skank Hunt Script lyrics

TRANSCRIBING Title sequence EXT. SOUTH PARK ELEMENTARY SCHOOL CUT TO: THE GYM Dr. Wayne Schroeder: "Nobody is safe. Nobody can hide from these monsters. Internet trolls are truly predators of society. As parents, we find it hard to believe our children are doing these things online. And that is why I've been asked to come and speak to you about the student who has been trolling your school message boards." Schroeder clicks to the next slide of his presentation - a photo of Heidi Turner's mother with a penis in her mouth. Dr. Wayne Schroeder: "This troll is known only as skankhunt42, we believe it probable he's one of the boy students here, since his favorite target seems to be women. Here you can see Heidi Turner's mother photoshopped with a penis in her mouth after she defended her daughter's right to sit out the national anthem." The audience is murmuring. Dr. Wayne Schroeder: "Since then this child has been trolling all over the Internet, visiting message boards and social media and filling it with vile comments and hate-filled garbage. But trolling is on the rise with teenagers, and we all need to come together to stop it. We need every parent to look for the signs in their own child. In order for us to find these secretive monsters, we need all parents to ask themselves, "could my child be a troll?"" EXT. SOUTH PARK - ON THE STREET CUT TO: BROFLOVSKI CAR Sheila: "My God, what children are capable of now. What kind of hate would have to be in that child's heart?" Gerald: "Well, you never know. Could be someone who just... kind of thinks it's funny to stir the pot and watch everyone freak out. Uh, you know, maybe the fact that it's so not funny makes it somehow funny... to kids. Gosh, I-I certainly don't understand it." EXT. IN THE MOUNTAINS - BRIDGE Sad music plays. Heidi Turner looks at the picture of her and her mom. She walks to the ceiling of the bridge, grabs the phone out of her pocket and types something. Heidi sheds a tear. The water splashes and birds are cawing. EXT. SOUTH PARK ELEMENTARY SCHOOL Three police cars are parked in front of the school. CUT TO: THE HALLWAY Kyle walks through the hallway. Police men are talking to teachers. Bebe and a friend are both crying. Kyle walks to Stan and Clyde. Kyle: "Dude, what's going on?" Clyde: "You didn't hear?" Kyle: "Hear what? What happened?" Stan: "Heidi Turner, she... she quit Twitter." Kyle: "Oh, no." Heidi Turner walks past the group of boys. Stan: "Yesterday after school. She wrote one last tweet that said, "Goodbye forever," and then just got off for good." Kyle: "She'll get back on." Stan: "No, dude, she threw her phone in the river. She's, she's gone." CUT TO: LIBRARY Mr. Mackey: "All right, students, I know we're all dealing with the loss of a good friend. We have to accept the fact that Heidi won't be on social media anymore. I know we're all gonna miss her. M'kay? We're gonna miss seeing what she's up to, miss seeing those silly pictures she'd post of her and her friends. M'kay?" Bebe cries, Red comforts her. Mr. Mackey: "But this is what can happen when someone gets bullied online to the point they just can't go on anymore. I know that some of you are feeling anger, m'kay, some of you are feeling a little guilt, and asking how something like this can happen. But the best thing we can do for Heidi is to come together as friends and as students. M'kay? So now why don't we all get on Twitter, m'kay, and just tweet some of the things we loved about Heidi, m'kay?" The keyboard of the students' phones are clacking. Bebe cries again. Mr. Mackey mutters: "M'kay. Oh, that's nice. That's nice. Oh that's a good one, Sarah. Uh-huh. That's, that's a pretty poem. Nice, bu*ters. Oh, Heidi would have loved this so much. This is so special. M'kay?" CUT TO: SCHOOL'S CAFETERIA Stan: "Okay, can we all agree now that whoever is doing this needs to stop?" Eric: "Totally, you guys. This has gone far enough. The girls are really pissed off at us." Eric slurps his drink. Stan: "So tonight, whoever is doing this isn't going to do it again. 'Cause if he does, we're gonna have to do something about it." Eric: "You hear that, guys? It better not happen again tonight. I am so seriously." EXT. BROFLOVSKI'S FAMILY HOUSE CUT TO: IKE'S ROOM Ike is playing on his computer. Gerald opens the door. Gerald: "Ike, can I talk to you?" Gerald walks in and sits down on Ike's bed. Gerald: "Come on. Pull up a stair." Ike walks to his bed and sits down. Gerald: "You know, we had a big parent meeting at the school tonight. And, uh, apparently, there's someone trolling the school message boards and putting penises in people's mouths. And whoever it was then got a big reaction from it, so he's now putting penises in people's mouths all over the Internet and... he's actually getting pretty famous. So, Annie Jerkins' mother started an online campaign to stop Internet trolling with a picture of her and her daughter, and you know what happened? She got a dick in her mouth. Okay, okay, I know it's just guy humor stuff. You know, we can laugh about it here, but it is serious, too. Well, love you pal. Get to sleep. It's a school night." Gerald puts his arm around Ike and then walks away. CUT TO: HALLWAY Gerald bumps into Sheila. Gerald, a little shocked: "Oh, hey!" Sheila: "Did you talk to him?" Gerald: "Yeah, yeah. We talked. It was good." Sheila: "Oh, that's good." Gerald: "Yeah, well, I better go and get some of my work done." Sheila: "Oh, right, right, yeah." Gerald: "Yeah, don't wait up. I'll be a while with these stupid case profiles." Sheila: "All right. 'Night, Gerald." Gerald: "'Night, sweet" They give each other a kiss. Sheila walks away and Gerald goes to his office. - "Smokin'" by Boston plays. Gerald cracks his knuckles. WeAllScream_07 in a message: "Hey just wanna remind everyone about about the ice cream social to benefit homeless teens. Looking for volunteers." Skankhunt42 in a reply: "HEY I'D LIKE TO VOLUNTEER TO KICK YOU IN THE VAGINA. WHERE DO I SIGN UP?" maddies_mommy018 in a message: "This is my daughter at the triathlon today! Go little girl!" Skankhunt42 in a reply: "YOUR DAUGHTER HAS A MOUSTACHE - WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOUR OVARIES, b*tch?!" Fragments of people that are reacting shocked by Skankhunt42's messages. Gerald, thinking: "You've been dick-slapped." Gerald grins. While Gerald plays on the keyboard of his computer, there are fragments of two elephants making love, Gerald photoshopping a picture of a woman, a bridge exploding, a man playing with fire, a vulcano eruption and a concert of Boston - and Gerald sharing the stage with the band. The music stops and Gerald yawns. - South Park Elementary school - schoolyard Bebe: "You should have seen what he said about my mother on her Instagram! Pages and pages of disgusting things!" Annie: "This is an attack on all of us. It's time to make the boys suffer." Wendy: "It has to be swift and serious. We have to make a statement that girls in South Park aren't going to be treated like afterthoughts anymore!" All the girls: "Yeah!" The boys watch the girls' deliberation. Wendy: "This has gone on too long, and it's time to do something!" All the girls: "Yeah!" Clyde: "What do you think they're talking about?" bu*ters: "They're talking about how they're gonna get us! What do you think?! That's how the world works now! You get blamed for the group you belong to, even if you didn't do nothing!" - Boys toilet room bu*ters: "What are we gonna do about him?!" Kyle: "The girls want to see Cartman punished, so we have to prove it's him!" Craig: "We're never gonna prove that, and you know it. We have to make him stop." bu*ters: "He's not gonna stop! He's loving all this! He wants the girls to hurt us!" Clyde: "Then let's end it." Jimmy: "What do you mean?" Clyde: "Cartman is the cause of all our problems, always. We all know what has to be done. It's not like we haven't talked about it before, fantasized about how we'd do it." Kyle: "Yeah, but not like we'd actually do it." Stan: "Clyde's right." Kyle: "Stan, you can't be thinking -" Stan, interrupting: "What else do we do, Kyle? You better than anybody what a monster he is." Token: "He pushed everyone too far." bu*ters: "It's him or us." Kyle: "Are we seriously talking about doing this?" Craig: "How would we ever get away with it?" Stan: "We do it out in the woods. I know how to get him to go." - At the lockers Eric: "'Sup, dudes?" Stan: "After school, we're gonna go to my uncle's cabin in the woods. We're gonna have a slumber party and play "Counterstrike" all night with no one around to bother us." Eric: "Are you serious?! All night broship "Counterstrike" party?! That's f**in' sweet! Does uncle's cabin have good Wi-Fi?" Stan: "Yeah, but don't tell anyone where you're going. We don't want adults to know 'cause there's gonna be a ton of junk food." Eric: "Bros! Dude, that's so awesome! This is gonna be the best night ever!" - Memberberries all talking: "'Member TIE fighters? Oh, 'member Jawas? 'Member? Hey, 'member "Jura**ic Park"? Ooh, you loved "Jura**ic Park"! 'Member Jeff Goldblum? Oh, I 'member Jeff Goldblum. He was fantastic. I love Jeff Goldblum. 'Member?" Mr. Mackey: "Mmm..." Scott: "I can't do this anymore! I can't take it!" Mr. Mackey: "Oh, uh, hi, Scott." Scott: "Nobody ever pays attention to me! Nobody cares! I just want to end it all!" Mr. Mackey: "Scott, come on. We've talked about this. You don't wanna quit Twitter." Scott: "Why not?! Everyone would be happier if I did!" Mr. Mackey: "Who'd be happier?" Scott: "Everyone!" Mr. Mackey: "What about your parents, huh? How do you think they'd feel if you quit Twitter?" Scott: "I don't think they'd even notice!" Mr. Mackey: "Of course they'd notice. They'd be sad, m'kay? They'd be sad. You've got so much ahead of you, Scott, so many posts and tweets still ahead of you. You haven't even start to see what social media has to offer you. You can't, you can't just end it all, not now." Scott: "You're right. I guess I don't want to quit Twitter." Mr. Mackey: "There you go, m'kay? But now you come back here anytime you're having bad thoughts, m'kay?" Scott: "Okay, thanks." Scott leaves the office. Mr. Mackey opens his writing desk to grab the bunch of memberberries. Scott enters the office again, panicked. Mr. Mackey is startled. Scott: "Twitter would be better off without me! I'm quitting!" Mr. Mackey: "Okay, okay, now Scott -" Scott, interrupts: "What's the point?! Better just to end it all now!" Mr. Mackey sighs: "M'kay." - In the woods Birds and insects are chirping. Eric: "This gonna be so awesome, just hanging with the bros, playing "Couterstrike" all night alone in the woods. You pumped, Token?" Token, clearly not excited: "Yeah. I'm really excited." Eric: "I'm totally gonna do ma**ive pownage. Whoever's on my team'll be stoked. My laptop's so fast, it doesn't lag at all. I can jump around like a pownage powerhouse." Clyde: "I'm sure you will." Eric: "You guys all seem, kind of, bummed out. Is everything cool?" Stan: "Everything's fine, Cartman. We'll just get there sooner if maybe we don't talk much." Eric: "Okay, cool. We're going a long way to play "Counterstrike". Guess it's sweet, though. There won't be any adults to screw it up for us. How much further now?" Kyle: "We're almost there." Eric: "This place has sweet Wi-Fi, right? Gonna be so awesome." - Hillary Clinton campaign headquarters, New York Campaign contributor #1: "Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!" Campaign contributor #2: "What's wrong?" Campaign contributor #1: "Someone keeps trolling our campaign site. He just keeps leaving horrible comments, and now he's attacking me personally." Campaign contributor #2: "Aw, don't let him get to you." Campaign contributor #1: "Don't let him... He took a picture I posted and put a dick in my mouth! Who does that?!" Campaign contributor #2: "Someone who probably still lives with his mother and hates himself. He obviously has nothing better to do. Just let him wallow in his own misery." - Broflovski family house, outside Gerald inhales and exhales deeply. "Steal My Sunshine" by Len plays. Gerald walks happily on the streets of South Park. Then a horn honks. Car driver: "Get out of the street, idiot!" Gerald: "Sorry. My bad." Gerald walks past two neighbours arguing. Douche supporter: "You've got to be an idiot to vote for that piece of garbage!" Turd supporter: "You're brain dead!" Douche supporter: "You're voting for the terrorists!" Turd supporter: "Are you kidding me?! He's an idiot!" Douche supporter: "You're voting for the terrorists!" The traffic light turns to green and Gerald crosses a street. Gerald and a cyclist almost collide. He laughs. Gerald: "No worries." Gerald walks in the supermarket and grabs a bottle of wine. Later he walks along the memberberries at the fruit department. Memberberries all talking: "'Member the cantina? Oh, I 'member. 'Member the star destroyers? Yeah, I loved star destroyers! 'Member?" A woman in the waiting line to cashier: "I have a coupon for that, too. And those are six for $4 with this coupon. Sorry." Gerald: "No please, it's no problem at all." Gerald dancing on the streets with his groceries. - Mr. Mackey closes his office. Scott: "I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna quit Twitter. I mean it this time." Mr. Mackey: "Oh, Scott, uh, it... it's sort of after hours, m'kay?" Scott: "They all laugh at me. They won't be laughing when I do it! I'll show them!" Mr. Mackey sighs: "All right, Scott. Come on inside." Mr. Mackey opens his office again and they walk in. - In the woods Eric: "Oh, dude, is this it? This is cool. So isolated. Check it out. There's a shovel next to a hole dug in the ground." Eric and boys are inside the cabin. Eric: "Dude, is this where we're gonna play? I call dibs on this side." Eric opens his laptop. Eric: "What's the Wi-Fi called? Is there a pa**word?" Kyle closes the door. The boys unpack weapons from their bags. Eric: "I don't see it. I don't see it coming on my laptop. I don't know, I think maybe the Wi-Fi isn't working. Where's the box? You got to unplug it and plug it back in. You guys." Eric turns around and sees his friends with weapons in their hands. Eric: "You guys... there's... no Wi-Fi." Clyde: "The girls are gonna do something drastic to us. We have to take matters in our own hands." Eric: "What are you, what are you guys talking about?" Stan: "You brought this on yourself, Cartman. We're sorry." Eric: "Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You guys are gonna break all my stuff so I can't get online." Kyle: "Just put your stuff on the table and step back." Eric, panicking: "Please! Please, don't break my stuff, you guys! This is like two Christmases and a birthday worth of stuff! You guys can't do this! Please!" Token to Stan: "Let's just get it over with." Eric: "No, don't take them from me! Don't break my stuff! I'm not Skankhunt! I'm not! You guys, you guys, you don't have to do this. We can still just play "Counterstrike" and forget everything. Oh, my God. There's no Wi-Fi. We can use my phone to make a hot spot! We can still play "Counterstrike"! It will be sweet! You guys come on, please! Please, you can't!" Clyde: "I can't listen to this." Eric: "Please, Clyde! Clyde, you're my friend! Please, you, you know how much I need my stuff!" Craig walks towards Eric. Craig: "Let's just get it over with!" Eric: "No, if I can't get online, I won't have a life!" Craig stabs Cartman's laptop. Eric: "Oh, God! No! Don't! Don't! Don't!" All the other boys walk towards Eric as well. Eric screams: "Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!" Eric walks away while the boys destroy his stuff. He falls unconscious. Token closes the hole with a shovel. The boys are shocked. Stan: "What have we done?" Kyle: "What we had to do." Cartman screams. - Mr. Mackey's house - bedroom A cellphone is ringing. Mr. Mackey wakes up. Mr. Mackey: "Ugh!" Mr. Mackey sits on his bedside and puts his gla**es on. The phone rings again. He sees the picture of Scott. Mr. Mackey: "Oh, God damn it. You have to be kidding me." Mr. Mackey sighs. Then he answers the phone. Mr. Mackey: "This is Counseler Mackey. What's going on, Scott?" Scott, in his own bedroom: "I swear to God, I'm gonna do it this time." Mr. Mackey: "Okay, Scott, just try and calm down. You don't want to quit Twitter." Scott: "Why does it matter?! People would be happier if I just did it!" Mr. Mackey: "That's not true. No one would be happier. This f**in' kid. Oh, my God. Everybody thinks you're a great kid, Scott." Scott: "I talked to my dad. He said I don't have the guts to do it. Well, if I quit Twitter he'd be sorry!" Mr. Mackey: "Okay, um, how about this, just, um, promise me you won't quit Twitter tonight and we can, we can talk all day tomorrow, okay? M'kay?" Scott: "I don't know if I'll make it through the night!" Mr. Mackey: "Oh, for f**'s sake." Scott: "I just feel like I'm at the edge of a cliff, you know, and being chased by hate, and the only way out is to jump." Mr. Mackey: "Uh-huh. M'kay. Yeah, go on with that." Scott: "I keep thinking about what the kids at school would do when they find out I left all my social media, like they would finally see all the damage they've done." Mr. Mackey: "God damn it. Just do it already." - Broflovski family house, outside "Smokin'" is playing in the distance. CUT TO: GERALD'S OFFICE Gerald is sitting on his desk. On his computer, he's trolling at different websites. He yawns, takes his gla** and dims the light. He wants to leave the room but then his computer beeps. Gerald turns around. A window is opened with the text: "You Have A Google Alert!". Gerald clicks on the OK bu*ton. The alert says, "DANISH OUTRAGED BY SKANKHUNT TROLL". He opens the link and a CNN video starts. CNN presenter: "Another Internet troll is wreaking havoc on message boards. This time attacking a Danish website for women with breast cancer." Gerald: "I made the news." CNN presenter: "The troll, who goes by the name Skankhunt42..." Gerald: "Yes!" CNN presenter: "...caused the website to temporarily shut down. Danish Olympic gold medalist Fireja Ollengaurd, who started the website, spoke about the incident." Fireja Ollengaurd: "I am not shocked. I am not sad. I am not giving this pitiful person the satisfaction of being anything. This little troll can have his fun. I'm going to be the bigger person. I am going to show that people of Denmark are not so easily broken down." Gerald: "Hmm. Game on, who*e. Game on." Gerald cracks his knuckles and starts to type. - South Park Elementary school - at the lockers Kyle walks to Clyde and Stan. Kyle: "What's going on?" Stan: "You didn't hear?" Kyle: "Hear what?" Stan: "The troll, Skankhunt, Kyle, he was all over the Internet last night." Kyle: "No. That's impossible." Stan: "It was him, Kyle! We took Cartman out for no reason." Cartman walks past them. Stan: "We can't undo what we've done." Kyle: "Oh, my God. Oh, my God."