Solidmas - My Lost Love and Addiction lyrics

You know, recently man.. I hit the lowest point of my f**in' life I became consumed entirely, and went completely f**in' insane So i figured what else to do but to write about it Let it inspire me a bit So that's what i did and now i got something to say This my real life, straight verses; no f**ing chorus So come explore it, love me for it; or judge me for it I layed in bed, flickin' smokes in an open piss bottle I dropped like 20 pounds in a week, going through withdrawals I always said addictions a flaw of the weak Obviously, my addiction; it was stronger than me Cause man I hit rock bottom heavy, f**in' hard My mother said she found me convulsing and held me in her arms My love left me at my worst point, bailed when I fell Last words to me, I should be ashamed of myself That last week of my demise, the damn needles I took a thousand Would you have come to my funeral and put me down then? I almost died multiple times in a week So how can you live with yourself when youre tryna sleep To know I could be so close to dying, lying in peace Would you still just think of yourself, if I was deceased? And yeah I got aggressive in my blackout state And I ain't saying now that that's okay We were so in love, romancin You refused to give me another chance then What happened to your best quality, being understandin' I love you.. you're hating me It crushed me, than it bugged you; people judged you for datin' me Now it's no forgiveness for a past side i've shown to women With you, you know its different; you should stick to your own opinion Our only time together on house arrest, hate this sh** There's supposed to be so much more to this relationship Can't even look in a f**ing mirror to see my face in it I've sat in the dark with a knife to my throat; craziness And still, you would try to mess with me You really wanna push it, with my suicidal tendencies If I died, would you cry, why are you and I enemies I press my palms into my eyes and picture you beside me endlessly You hated my females fans, so you were jealous; f** it Your the first I ever trusted, there for; fell in love with You're perfect, I was just addicted to this hellish substance You are correct though, I am completely self destructive And I'm sorry, it'd never happen again My minds gone for that span of time, dont know what was happening then If I was that crazy baby, id be glad I was dead I'm sorry you said you felt like you'd never see your family again And I don't blame you You were great, you should be proud What I was going through, its insane you could put me down Exes that i've ruined and crushed, have called to see I'm movin' up When you ain't even asked me how I'm f**in' doin once And I hear what youre saying, close ear to the ground When I needed you most, you nowhere to be found If you really were my girl, you woulda been supportive With true love its true love, you shouldn't have to force it Cause I believed in you, my heart f**in' bleeds for you Where the f** is your precense, when I really f**in' needed you Towards the end, d** removed my soul I am embarra**ed you were there to see me lose control So were you the love of my life, or just some stupid ho I guess now youre just somebody that I used to know For now, but i will be back And i am across the country bettering my life I transferred my conditions here And you know i'm bettering my life And dont let people get inside your head and convince you Cause i'm such a f**in' terrible person that i must have been terrible to you and tricked you You know me as an amazing man cause that's exactly what i was to you straight up. i love you. i miss you. and now the whole world knows i'm sorry And this ones for my dawg man As an ex addict, bruce when I met you; you was clean as a judge No reason for d**, and surrounded yourself with people you love When we first started to click, yeah we partied a bit Who knew we'd reach that point where it'd be harder and harder to quit The first night I met your brother, keeps replaying with me The character I embodied was smooth, I was dangerous see The genius on d**, so cool you was hanging with me He didn't know that I influenced you negatively So when he seen us chillin, we was kings; he was proud It breaks my heart to think of what he probably thinks of me now So with this I'm just reflectin', I'm constantly recollectin I got a younger brother too bruce, but you never met him And he seen my darkness, and I dont got any good left But even then he still wanna be following in my footsteps And i've betrayed em all, people that love me to my core My sisters always had my back, she doesn't anymore So I look at my arm, and the marks and needle penetration Cause the people who f**in' love me, it leaves them devastated I guess we both got worse when you was outta control But then I was sittin' in prison bro, so how could I know And going through withdrawls in a prison cell, livin' hell I know that feeling of pain when you really wish you could k** yourself I accepted it happened, be there a long time They say every dog gets its day, I guess I got mine I hit my house arrest, bail; lucky I know When we spoke some time later, it's been crushin my soul I love you hollo, bruce I always got love for you bro That was the last thing I said as I f**in' hung up the phone Found out the next day, enraged; smashing walls 25, too young for a f**in' man to fall I wish I said something more when you hadda called A f**in hour later and you were dead in a bathroom stall Why do we just enjoy it? why do we love the posion? You shoulda went out on a throne bro, not a f**ing toilet My blood is boiling at the thought of it bruce You give yourself too much credit for how your tolerance grew? When you feelin' low on life, and needed that confidence boost? I'll take lines in your name, if they say it's what you wanted to do And I never understood, but as of recent I knew Cause I was a needle or two away from being with you And I'm sorry for the times that I was freakin' out when you were with me Specially that time I lost my mind while driving through the city I wanted to honor your memory, and swear off shootin' quickly A year past I'm still doing the same sh**, bruce forgive me I almost had my body into soft dirt I swore i'd get better, but homie it got a lot worse And I was in that same weak place, so I couldn't fight for you At your memorial, high on the same sh** that took your life from you I guess your father blamed me to people at the bar I didn't hear it directly, its like I seen it from a far I told whatevski, there was something that I needed from his car I cried for you brother and stuck another needle in my arm I know I know its f**ed up ain't it Friends dont know how to help, so that subject changes My parents is embarra**ed is an understatement It's just amazing I can function with all the d** ive taken But yo; im gonna stop though bruce, I ain't ready to die yet g Through your friendship and your d**h, it's inspired me I need to wake the f** up now man, find my dreams Conquer goals, and become everything we said we'd try to be The tat of your names on the ribs on my side So to know i'll keep you close to my heart, that fills me with pride And I know I'm not responsible, but I'm guilty inside Cause I know if you never met me, bruce; you'd still be alive