Social Anxiety - BusySignalOnTheSuicideHotline lyrics

There's this monster that lives under my bed But he's really just an idea that lives in my head From all the doom and gloom that causes me to twitch This music is like chicken soup for the sick… Go home little boy, this lifestyle is a ploy You've made your bed, time to sleep in it boy I'm erratic and dramatic and adjusting to bad habits When I give you a chance to quell this madness It's habitual, insurmountable, and unaccountable When I try to unravel the past and all it counted for What is it that I adore? Love is the only thing that I implore for I have spent my time moving forward While taking three steps back towards the door And if I take another four steps more I know which end I'm heading towards To my bitter demise, under a pale blue sky I met my end in her brown eyes And if I must say, it's a fitting way to die Halfway through a seventeen mile drive When all you wanted to do was embrace the night With good company and a jar of moonshine But isn't it just like me to focus on the past? When I known damn well there's no going back I've been looking for someone to cut me some slack But I guess there's no one who's up for the task My antics are frantic when I try to reinvent the static And turn it into music to soothe my panic But I swear I'm drastically demanding in my tactics When I don't resort to being sycophantic But leave it to me to come off as romantic When this darkness embeds all of my actions You asked me, “How long will we be alone?” I replied, “Until you've really learned to let go” You found comfort in the wisdom of a gentle soul With the capacity to make his agony show My arms are the place where bleeding hearts go To find the seeds of compa**ion that I have sown Little did I know, there was always room to grow Despite all of the inner workings of my woe And woe is me, I'm a living tragedy At least that's what I've led myself to believe I keep coming apart at the seams for the world to see But everyone who watches just ignores my pleas My life is anti-climactic – I'm the sum of my bad habits When I put my pain into words it comes out like magic But when I'm at my worst it's little more than a distraction And when I'm at my best I am bleeding with pa**ion I'm a liar who carries around honest intentions A teacher exploring never before seen methods You've got some scars you've failed to mention? We've all been through hell in our own dimension I keep holding on to an idea of what never was The fall from this height feels like a crush I swear I'd do anything to just fall in love But I keep avoiding the inevitable plunge And that kind of fear is inherent in me Every living creature dies alone it seems I've been known to write messages that come out depressing In an effort to keep your eyes from undressing me Because letting you get close is something to avoid Now tell me what's left of me that I haven't destroyed? I keep painting my life through words in a different hue While everyone around me bows out and bids adieu If I thought this were hopeless I wouldn't go below this I keep trying to recreate a sort of bliss that I've imploded And I'm one part awkward; two parts manic When I'm itching for these songs to come out organic But I know this feeling in my chest won't leave so easily Because the heart in me started to corrode recently It just doesn't work when I try to control everything But nowadays I'd like to think I'm on the upswing I'm a master of the art of knowing when to disappear But I'd be a fool to think that I am in the clear You've been searching for someone whose meanings were sincere But I'm just fighting for the chance to finally cohere Cuz all I ever wanted was to feel like I belonged But now all I want to do is get up and move on The bitterest parts of me keep coming out in songs In a last ditch effort to make them move along