Social Anxiety - Barbiturates, Pt. 1 lyrics

There's a blue devil on one shoulder, a bluebird on the other One tells me what to do; the other sings me a tune The blues, her melodies paint me blue As I enjoy the view from a windowless room I'm trapped, but it's not what you think I just wear this apathy like a wedding ring And I write to distance myself from feelings Hide in these metaphors cuz the truth cuts too deep As I sink into this chair these walls begin to bleed They gush out every hope and fear from tattered memories And I'm scribbling down saddened thoughts, sick fantasies Alienating everyone who's ever believed in me Everything collides always seems to be the motif A success story is never what it seems And if every song I write comes off like a eulogy Am I romanticizing my d**h or writing my reprieve? [Chorus] (x2) Fighting deep with the devil in me I'm begging you to medicate me Fighting deep with the devil in me I'm digging my grave six feet deep I'm alive, but I swear I'm barely breathing A swarm of yellow jackets keeps me reeling And I'm a downer; I guess you are what you eat An insomniac in a never-ending quest for sleep But if I make it to tomorrow, they will make me a king I'm like William S. Burroughs to the junkies and the freaks I'm a big, bad wolf to the right kind of sheep A paranoid schizophrenic with a skewed set of beliefs And if every song I write is in a leering key it's Cuz no one makes it out alive, that includes me I'd like to say I'm alright but it's getting hard to breathe I'm slipping in between, forgot how many pills deep Fighting to stay alive is an ironic thing Cuz everyone else thinks it should come naturally A couple pills more and I could have been a tragedy What the hell would my brother think if he found me? [Chorus] (x2) It all looks picturesque and bright from the outside But on the inside I'm feeling decrepit and trite I understand your pain because it's also mine This alienation is a symptom of the bright lights These feelings aren't new; they've been growing within me I never asked the be lauded, my outlook is too bleak I tried to control this habit, instead it controlled me I'm trying to stay positive but I'm struggling [Chorus] (x4)