Sloppy Seconds - I Don't Wanna Be A Homos**ual lyrics

[Dialogue from "Female Trouble," between Edith Ma**ey and Michael Potter] [Aunt Ida Nelson:] "Have you met any nice boys in The Swan?" [Gator:] "Oh, pretty nice." [Aunt Ida:] "I mean any nice queer boys. Did you fool with any of them?" [Gator:] "Aunt Ida, you know I dig women." [Aunt Ida:] "Aw, don't tell me that." [Gator:] "Christ, let's not go through this again." [Aunt Ida:] "All those beauticans, and you don't have any boy dates?" [Gator:] "I don't want any boy dates." [Aunt Ida:] "Oh honey, I'd be so happy if you turned nally." [Gator:] "Hey, no way. I'm straight. I mean I like a lot of queers, but I don't dig their equipment, y'know? I like women." [Aunt Ida:] "But you can change. Queers are just better. I'd be so proud if you was a f*g, and had a nice beautician boyfriend. I'd never have to worry." [Gator:] "There ain't nothing to worry about." [Aunt Ida:] "I'm worried that you'll work in an office, get married, have children, celebrate wedding anniversaries. The world of heteros**uals is a sick and boring life." [Gator:] "Sometimes I think you're f**ing crazy. I'm real happy just the way I am." People are telling me that I'm missing out on the fun. 'Cause I don't go anywhere, and I don't meet anyone. But I know how rumors fly. When you're a lonely guy. And I'm here to tell you it's a lie. There's stange things going on at night most everywhere. You know those places, well you'll never see me there. I walk by other men. And I don't notice them. But then those rumors start again. So I'm gonna tell the world. I Don't Wanna Be a h*mos**ual. I'm gonna find a girl. 'Cause I Don't Wanna Be a h*mos**ual. I guess that it's okay. If other guys are gay. But my hormones are one-directional. And I Don't Wanna Be a h*mos**ual. Somebody tell me what I did to start this talk. Is it the way I look? Is it the way I walk? Is it the clothes I wear, that make the people stare? Is it the way I comb my hair? I'm only hoping maybe there will come a day When I can make them understand that I'm not gay. But 'till that day is near, Iguess I'll live in fear. And I curse the day I pierce my ear. There's nothing wrong with me. I Don't Wanna Be a h*mos**ual. Know what I want to be. And I Don't Wanna Be a h*mos**ual. Soft boys and closet queens, think Judy Garland's keen. But I don't think she's nothing special. And I Don't Wanna Be a h*mos**ual. [instrumental break] So now I'm wondering if maybe they're not right. 'Cause I've gone all paranoid and I can't sleep at night. I went to see the shrink. What did the doctor think? I swear to god I saw him wink. I pray to God I'm wrong I Don't Wanna Be a h*mos**ual. Why did I write this song If I Don't Wanna Be a h*mos**ual? I hope it's not too late, for them to set me straight. I've got to see a real professional. 'Cause I Don't Wanna Be a h*mos**ual, no! No no no no. No no no no no no no. I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be I Don't Wanna Be a h*mos**ual. [repeated in background] I don't wanna go with guys named Shamus. I don't wanna be rich and famous. I don't wanna go to a French art festival and I Don't Wanna Be a h*mos**ual.