Simcha Halpert-Hanson - Sex With Pans lyrics

[Ricky speaking] This next song is about Craigslist men for men personals- we have a lot of songs about that. And it's also about pans**uality. Pans**ual, it means that you're into kitchenware. It's called Sex With Pans. [Nogga growling] Uhh, kitchenware! uhhhh! [Lucian speaking] Spatula.... [Ricky singing] I posted on Craigslist casual encounters I'm looking for an an*s mounter I weigh a hundred and twenty six I'm interested in s**ing pricks I said I was transs**ual He said he was pans**ual His email style was so demure Did he like guys? I wasn't sure [Lucian singing] You like the bears and the twinks and the girls and the boys [Ricky] And the leather dykes with the seven inch toys [Lucian] The metros**uals and the jocks [Ricky] And the tranny boys with the tiny co*ks [Lucian] You like the genderqueers and the queens and the fairies [Ricky] And it doesn't matter if they're smooth or hairy [Lucian] Or butch or femme or cis or trans [both] But it doesn't mean that you have s** with pans! Ai ai ai ai ai ai! Ai ai ai ai ai ai! [Ricky] He'd never been with another dude The questions he asked were pretty rude Trans 101 just makes me flaccid If you're bi-curious [both] Go f** a Hasid! [Ricky] But he was friendly and persisted He said he was open to getting fisted At the frat house there was a keg He said he was down for getting pegged [Lucian] The twinks and the bears and the girls and the boys [Ricky] And the leather dykes with the silicone toys [Lucian] The metros**uals and the jocks [Ricky] And the tranny boys with the tiny co*ks [Lucian] An the genderqueers and the queens and the fairies [Ricky] And it doesn't matter if they're smooth or hairy [Lucian] Or butch or femme or cis or trans [both] But it doesn't mean that you have s** with pans! Ai ai ai ai ai ai! Ai ai ai ai ai ai! I asked him whether he was out He didn't know what there was to be out about I thought he was just some straight dude-bro Until he started pulling on my Jew-fro He wasn't gay enough but what the hell It's just a thing I'll do just to tell the tale And as I looked down at his erection Figured this was a step in the right direction [Lucian] You like the bears and the twinks and the girls and the boys [Ricky] And the leather dykes with the silicone toys [Lucian] The metros**uals and the jocks [Ricky] And the tranny boys with the tiny co*ks [Lucian] You like the genderqueers and the queens and the fairies [Ricky] And it doesn't matter if they're smooth or hairy [Lucian] Or butch or femme or cis or trans [both] But it doesn't mean that you have s** with pans! Ai ai ai ai ai ai! Ai ai ai ai ai ai! Ai ai ai ai! Ai ai ai ai ai ai! Ai ai ai ai ai ai! Ai ai ai ai ai ai!