Show Teeth - Things My Father Taught Me lyrics

By: Annika A. Shoving vinegar down your four-year-old child's throat is an acceptable consequence for speaking in a rude tone of voice “Consequences” is a fancy word for punishment If your children say that they don't want to be with you because they don't feel safe around you, it is obvious that they are just trying to hurt you, and you should act accordingly Yelling is a normal, even obligatory, part of every relationship, and should happen every day, if not in every conversation Repeatedly telling your children that their opinions and perspectives are factually incorrect is a highly effective rhetorical argument If someone gets upset as a direct result of something you did, it is still their fault for choosing to feel upset Every time one of your children makes a strong argument, tell them that they are just repeating someone else's words If your children do anything you don't like, blame it on the other parent and her ancestral line because they are poisoning your children's minds You can say anything and hit anyone, and it will be okay as long as you tell them “I love you, sweetheart, and I would never hurt you” Making other people bend over backwards for you is the way they should act towards you, and does not disempower them in the slightest If you contributed to a person's genome and bothered to stick around, you are automatically entitled to unquestioning respect and immediate obedience If you think your children are rude and disrespectful, it is okay to lecture at them for over an hour about the inadequacy of their behavior In extreme cases of rudeness, disrespect, and disobedience, it is okay to hit your children because you were only trying to correct their behavior, and it is therefore entirely their fault You should value your happiness above all else, including the comfort and mental health of others Every time you do something that your children ask for is an example of your unbounded patience and charity You should periodically remind your children of your unbounded patience and charity to point out that their complaints against you are invalid Always remain calm in a serious argument or fight, regardless of how upset others are, as it shows that you are the rational, stable one and automatically puts you in the right Tell people what they feel during arguments, because if they are blaming any negativity on your actions, they are obviously lying and trying to hurt you If you love someone, restrict them and make them your inferior so that you can protect them Alternately treat your children like toddlers or adults, depending on what suits your argument at the moment, but make sure that they know that they have no legal power Every interaction is a power game that you should win, and destroying other people's self-esteem is one of your greatest weapons Remember, you are the victim here, so nothing is your fault You should repeatedly remind your children of their past offenses so that they know that they are the ones who abuse you You should crush your children's self-confidence to the extent that they feel like they will not be able to change anything if they ask for help directly, and will be forced to ask for help by writing poetry that people could interpret as artistic liberty, because who's going to believe that a volatile, toxic household has that great of an effect on a child's psyche when there are millions of cases where worse than this happens every day?