Shel Silverstein - I'm So Good That I Don't Have to Brag lyrics

Now I'm warnin' all you women don't stand too close to me cause you might catch fire Now you're talkin' to a man in a whole other kind of bag Well I'm three parts tiger and one part snake I'll ball you to sleep and I'll bite you awake And I'm so good that I don't have to brag I need an adding machine to count up all the women I've ruined for other men Now compared to me Paul Bunyan is a screamin' f*g I can shift more gears and pump more juice I'll turn you every which way but loose And I'm so damn good that I don't have to brag Now there's twenty thirty beautiful women a sleepin' at the foot of my bed And every night every night I hear 'em sighin' They say that I don't miss a thing they say that I'm the lovin' king And I'm too nice a guy to say they're lyin' Now I've been makin' love professionally since I was only six years old And I really learned the way to wiggly wag And still I'm such a modest man you know I'm twice as great as I think I am I'm so good that I don't have to brag There's a line of chicks startin' at my window and reachin' across the street And it stretches 'way to the other side of town They come to me from across the seas on their knees just sayin' Please And I'm too nice a guy to turn 'em down Now I once got captured by some Amazon women down in the Fiji Isles They were fightin' over me to see who'd be my bride I had to k** them all and I will admit it and I won't tell you how I did it But I'll tell you each one was smilin' when she died Now the day I die every woman in the country's gonna go around dressed in black And they'll probably add another star to the American flag And they'll build me a monument forty feet high sayin' it's a shame he had to die He was so damn good he never had to brag And I'm tellin' you men keep your eighteen year old daughters off of my back And your wives they like the way I carry on And why don't you go look at your mother for a while You notice she's wearin' a funny sorta smile Well that just means I've been there and I've gone Now if you got a frigid woman I'm gonna cure her for a hundred dollars You can bring her around my house at four o'clock And you can come and pick her up at 4:03 if you can pry her off of me I got a whole lot of others just waitin' 'round the block Now if you're wonderin' how you're gonna get to me Better bring a Cadillac full of money Cause I sure as hell ain't gonna swing without no swag I can make you creep I can make you crawl make you scream and climb the wall And I'm so good that I don't have to brag So Baby don't call me up at three o'clock in the mornin' no more threatenin' suicide I mean go ahead and do it honey cause wakin' me up is a drag And you can leave a note for all the rest sayin' at least you had the very best And he's so damn good that he don't have to brag Now I'm warnin' all you women don't stand too close to me cause you might catch fire Now you're talkin' to a man in a whole other kind of bag I'm three parts tiger and one part snake I'll ball you to sleep and I'll bite you awake And I'm so good that I don't have to brag