Shadows Of Paragon - Fear Of Being Forever Lost lyrics

Time has come for renewal. I urgently long for an altered situation. Only chained to my solitude there is serenity in my insecurity. A fatal stillness in silence after the abuse, long enough have I rested in the dark, Silently cried out all pain, reached out my hand for kindness but dreading rejection. Was I reaching for false hopes? Was I waiting for human goodness although all I had seen was human wickedness? Was I closing the door for approval? I hid in the fear of being lost forever and chose to slowly fade . I swam toward the bottom of my sea of self pity, filled my lungs with deadly water from my past. I swam deeper when someone tried to pull me up, sacrifice myself in fear of drowning the one who cared. I longed for an altered situation but human kindness I feared the most I expected even more wickedness God I know that You were always there. Only Your thoughtfulness kept me alive during my darkest hours. Was I reaching for false hopes? Was I waiting for human goodness although all I had seen was human wickedness? Was I closing the door for approval? Sometime I wish You would have let me die. Still I knew, that You offer life in abundance But I search for the indemnification that can come only from the who inflicted shame on me.