JASON Just look at me I'm a world-cla** traveler Each Friday night Travel travel travel From her house to his house First take the 104 With my computer I am just a little kid Not a commuter And each Sunday night Mother comes to get me And I hear them fight Everybody's yelling about the bar mitzvah It's not a wrestling match Why are the sweating? It's not a funeral What's so upsetting? It's a celebration Where I get presents But everybody's yelling And everybody's ruining it It's a celebration Where I get richer But everybody's yelling And everybody's ruining it Everybody's ruining it Why, oh, why? What have I done that they'd ruin my bar mitzvah? MARVIN, TRINA, JASON, AND MENDEL What have I done that we'd ruin this bar mitzvah? TRINA I want the Applebaums They're lovely, and they like me MARVIN They're boring She just likes the way you dress MENDEL Well, who wouldn't? TRINA Have the Applebaums MARVIN Screw the Applebaums JASON Please don't do this! MARVIN Saul's a jerk TRINA Have them MARVIN Nix them! MENDEL Long live the Applebaums! Arguing takes work JASON I hate this! MARVIN Blame her! This is all a waste TRINA Look at your watch: It is "h*mo-baroque" Don't talk to me about taste JASON Stop! I don't want a bar mitzvah! Okay? I don't want a bar mitzvah! MARVIN AND TRINA What do you mean you don't want a bar mitzvah? What do you mean you don't want a bar mitzvah? How do you think we How do you think we How do you think we feel about that?