Seymour Butts - Assorted Verses lyrics

[Intro] Yo! Goddammit! [Verse 1] Yo, did you hear they legalized weed in Oregon? I'm buzzing so bad that I'm on the floor again f** pot, give this who*e ah pen-yen Cocaine, smack, meth, or hallucinogens I don't care about gra** But you've got your damn head up your a** Your eyes are locked on lasers If you ain't realize Portland's got an NBA team Called the damn Blazers, and we can't be suspicious Let me mention the Denver Nuggets And you try telling me that this sh**'s fictitious I'm telling you, Illuminati's been naughty It's time to learn karate and flush its members Down the damn potty Don't smoke weed unless you wanna be a KKK clansmen A Nazi, master of kamikaze, who once was a loved man's man The ganja will addle your brains, rattle your chains Two potheads in a brawl, then I guess that it is Battle of the slain Because your life is over, four-leaf clovers Ain't gonna get you out of this one You chose a different leaf, moreover, you can't avoid her Put one goddamn blunt in your mouth And d**h will be waiting on your doorstep Waiting for you to open the door So he can punch you in your f**ing cortex Tell you you look gorgeous, conjure up a swarm of hornets Clench your throat with forceps, dress you in a corset Pick you up and throw you into a f**ing vortex Yo! Goddammit! [Verse 2] On a Tuesday morning, I woke up in a ditch Without forewarning, I had a stomachache And was hungry as a b**h I couldn't remember why I was there Not a thing circled my brain about my whereabouts This, um, alcoholism's dividing my life apart Like a schism, I feel like a tool imprisoned In a world of self-loathing, like I'm bred to be wry To myself, you asking why? It's my health It's fading speedily because I'm greedily Drinking all the booze that I can and I'm becoming a drunken ba*tard And I can't accept change, so I've become A stuck-in-the-past turd, and every night I get plastered I ask life to slow down, but it just keeps going faster and faster Almost like every time I take a sip, it's another disaster I can barely drive, I'm so f**ed up I bashed my head on the dashboard and crashed Gore and gashes, but still things could've been mad worse I try so f**ing hard, but I can't get this sh** mastered Like an angel was waiting for me and I just walked right past her Goddammit, I feel like a basket case I feel like this sh**'s irreversible, like my casket's placed And there's no way out of this predicament I'm just so sick, I'm in sh** condition and This once innocent man is now so washed up and belligerent So f** it, I give up I'm going back to that ditch to lay askew f** a harmonica, I'm playing the kazoo I'm filth and I've got problems out the wazoo Yo! Goddammit! [Verse 3] Seymour bu*ts is an example of the Americana That spreads all the way from Susquehanna To the wetland banks of Louisiana Riding my sleigh in the street running over grandmas Like they went and pissed off Santa