Serene Envy - Russian Roulette lyrics
Every morning I wake up with this feeling of crying If I had d** I would take some cause I feel like i'm dying The pain is too strong for me to fight it So I lie to myself and chose to be fake by making it seem like i'm smiling Yeah these people don't know and I wouldn't want to hurt them I'd be rich if I had a nickel for every time I lost a person I don't want to be the outcast, I just want to fit in And be normal like everyone else and not be dying within I never got to live life as a kid He was to busy hurting me and that image replays like if it happened again And no he didn't hurt me to the farthest degree But this pain is the strongest and its been the hardest on me And for years I swear this pain hadn't affected me A part of me will always hate my parents cause they were supposed to be protective of me But my mother warned me, she always kept me at home Little did she know that's where harm would affect me the most And I know i'm not the only one with problems this deep There's people with more problems and more pain who lie at the bottom of peace But that doesn't help me ease the pain I gave up my intellegence, health, and soul and I will never be the same The only thing keeping me alive is my music And it hurts when these people go out of there way to critisize me as stupid I don't try to impress them but I leave an impression And I'm to busy trying to make them smile for them to see my depression They don't know the reasons why I'm scared of men Instead they're quick to point the finger and call me a lesbian They don't know the reasons why I'm this big They don't know I eat to fill this void in my heart to the point where its a sickness They don't know why I choose to be this ignorant The less I know the less people there is to deal with all this bickering And i'm ANGRY with every single person Who never gave me a chance to show them that my presence was worth it I'm not perfect, so why are you hating on my name for? At the end of the day we're both walking out the same door I will forever be fighting this story that fate wrote Why is it that i'm this world's only scapegoat? They blame me for every problem like if i'm at fault The only thing letting me sleep is this dose of tylenol But no matter what I do, whether I take my own life or not Please remember me as that smiling girl who likes to write a lot That kind girl that you should've loved to the d**h Who spends her nights playing a mental game of russian roulette Waking up in agony as she sees the sun shine And not being able to feel or feel loved through her soul and young mind Cause she's lost her every inch of hope All these people judge without a jury to defend me as I'm dying in this home As I let this pen be my gun and I point it at my head I will surrender my life to music so now enjoy that I'm dead And in this new life of mine I will never let life bring me down again even if I never get signed So I will continue to live with these feelings that are not seen And let the music keep k**ing me softly no matter what it costs me This is my sanctuary and to be honest I've found the road to joy but the path is where i'm getting lost in