Serene Envy - Primer lyrics

There's days I need to step out of the margin, get out of this carcus I call a body, let out the artist that falls in probably awkward off beat Situations, hits her face and gets up, doesn't realize thats there's blood Running down her lips, she feels like a bare spud A flower without leaves or petals A stem for legs, the scaring on her knees are several She gets in bed Staring at the ceiling pattern, not caring that her dreams are shattered Not daring to believe in matters, scared, decides to breathe in rather Slowly, inhalation, depression, needs a dim replacement To saturate her need for happiness, she lives degraded She thinks of making it big, her name in lights She grinds but never sees growth, following the same advice That works for others but failed her She tried to fly but only managed to produce a stale chirp Now she can't fly or communicate with others She forgot her old language and the universe is stubborn To accept her as she's reflected, the music lets her cover up Her depression, defects and allows her to express sins Its the closest to acceptance she's ever been She hopes to repress them, she knows that she better live She better not be stripped anymore, all that's left is skeleton The melanin in her skin has faded, all she has is the hell within Her mind, nerves, bones, bloodstream, and finger tips She finds words shows what she has to live with since She was born, scorned, torn, severed born The loss of her sanity, spirit, and soul was never mourned Buried alive she was, Mary replied with what? Her son has a plan for me, ok, maybe I didn't like it but I guess it happens for a reason huh? My knees are numb 4:30 am, still awake, still awaiting to meet with Jesus's son I speak in rhyme, cursed I am, divided since the words began To flow out of me, growth sprouted seeds, never meant for worship fam People confuse praise with poise, evil induced to make some noise I'm not a girl who flaunts her character, never played with make up toys Never played with other kids, never made a hundred things List for Santa to bring me, he was busy with the other kids I wasn't being watched, I was the planted seed for hate The scapegoat of all your troubles, destined to be your demon's prey Expecting me to be okay with your discrepancies and need to hate Me for everything I seem to say, many think I need to break My existence but if I buried myself six feet under I'd still be the foundation you walk on, skip, leap, stutter Since we utter things without contemplating the consequences From now on I'll join in often stating what I thought repressing Would be the better choice But Apollo gave the gift of poetry to me and now I'm set to let my voice Cruise and disintegrate my views, as I live in grave states of anxiety How I refuse to depict my fate and everything that I should be And let society decide for me, decipher what I'm used to now Mind blown, demoralized, a sniper gun diffusing rounds I can't hear my own thoughts Peer pressure, fear spreads worse. my ear was blown off Walking in footsteps that weren't made by me Repeating the same mistakes the owner committed anciently Addictions chasing me, anxiety spreads Trying hard to find peace, instead i found pieces of me scattered in the heads Of people who listen to my music Of people who's religion is influenced by the descriptions of the cool kids Trying to be different in a world view that changes constantly Trying to be more than just a girl who was raped subconsciously Trying to be something I'm not set up to be Trying too hard to live, not trying hard enough to breathe Not getting far enough for me to sit back and relax I'm an artist stumped, I live laugh and relapse