Schaffer The Darklord - The Heckler lyrics

Shut up! Nobody speak or laugh or dance 'Cause right now I'm giving somebody else a chance Tonight we have a very special guest It's the heckler right there, he's got some things on his chest So give him, your attention- undivided attention Like, pretend he's a guest speaker at a sh**head convention Or pretend he's on stage rocking the coliseum Please down in front, I hope that everyone can see him With no further ado, all of you Please give a little love to you know who All the way from the audience of tonight's show Ladies and Gentleman, I give to the heckler… Go… How do you do it dude? It's like you got a gift Worthy stream of consciousness, improvisational riffs You can really face a challenge, where a coward would hide I f**ing call you a genius to which the heckler replied… Shut up! I'm talking to the heckler in the house Shut up! Do us all a favor, just shut your mouth Shut up! Do you understand just what I'm talking about? Shut up! Or get out Shut up! Or get out Why do you do it? I don't know why dude I wouldn't interrupt you at your f**ing job at the drive through I'm on the bill tonight, I'd like a chance to speak And I think drunk douchebag is scheduled next week You thought you'd get a couple laughs, you were hoping right Well f** you, it's my show- go find an open mic And I'll even drive you to one if you promise to leave I'll refund your five bucks, even throw in a CD You're a turd, you're retarded, a retarded turd a re-turd The kind of dick who thinks he's funny screaming out Freebird But don't do that joke now, don't even try it Because A.) It isn't funny and B.) you didn't even right it This is a solo act, not a duet Comprende mi amigo? Am I getting through to you yet? Did you think you found your niche? Did you think it'd make you rich? Did you think this was your pitch? You're just the next most obvious rhyming word… Shut up! I've got a whole set, so let me finish it please Shut up! Do you have Tourettes or similar disease? Shut up! Just do a couple shots and I'll get your keys Shut up! Or just leave Shut up! Or just leave Shut up! I hope you break a leg, and a few bones Shut up! I hope you sense the sarcasm in my tone Shut up! Surprised that you aren't on a cellular phone Shut up! Or go home Shut up! Or go home Look, you're not clever Maybe take your endeavors And maybe take your sh** away from me forever and ever and ever And never bring it back to my shows, I suppose It goes without saying that you're staying till close In the rest of your life, is your behavior the same? Like, would you wear a f**ing helmet to an Oakland Raiders game? And then run out on to the field to intercept a pa**? You wouldn't- you know why? 'Cause they'd k** your f**ing a** You've got my attention, and that much I will concede And I've been heckled by dipsh**s, some of whom could even read But you, my new friend, you're a very special breed With low self-esteem, is it attention you need? You know, there's a million hecklers just like you And there's one at every show, pulling the same sh** too And I wrote this tune for everyone that ever gets through But tonight, my new friend, I dedicate it to you Shut up! You're just talking you've got nothing to say Shut up! You'll get your moment soon, just not today Shut up! I'll try to put this in the most delicate way Shut up! Or go away Shut up! Or go away Shut up! I'm talking to the heckler in the house Shut up! Do us all a favor, just shut your mouth Shut up! Do you understand just what I'm talking about? Shut up! Or get out Shut up! Or get out Shut up!