Schaffer The Darklord - I am Schäffer the Darklord lyrics

(I Am Schäffer) (I Am Schäffer) Aaaaaahh Oooooohh Under an evil sun, on an evil rock, in an evil land An evil land, impaled an evil woman with an evil plan And with his evil hands, help the newest to his evil clan And now before you stands out one man, Evil Band T'was the year of the tiger, under the sign of Scorpio I was born in a boring town called Corning, yo lordy yo! By age five, Mom and Dad are split, but I survive Surmise that my imaginary friends kept me alive It was fine then, but by ten, my friends had turned to voices in my head At night, in bed, they lead me to some more traces I might have regretted and yet instead of fixatin' On consequences, I spun records backwards and found Satan Then he and Christ fought, and guess what. The hippie lost So the Prince Dark, got this Mark, on his plate with a little tossed Salad, as a power ballad played on his stereo He sh** me out, pa**ed me the mic and now here we go I am Schäffer the Darklord, not quite yet deceased My name first is Mark for I've been touched by the Beast And my opinions make minions and crowds bow down before me Abbreviatin, like Satan, my name down to STD I'm thigh high in riches, with high fives in kitchens Never shall I die, beguiled by Christians Listenin to * *'s divine interventions But f** it, I'm sky high as a kite, did I mention I go to rock shows? Thought so, knock those crowds to your knees I play drums in two bands, called 'Bottle Dog' and 'Burmese' I started 'Syphilis Billing', I'm from 'The End Of The World' And I can get my voice so high, sometimes I think I'm a girl But yeah, I'm lyrically able. Just find my spirit unstable And if you love STD, buy the CD, at the merch table You cannot buy my Black Box. You must be high on crack rocks. After the secure round my wrist with fast locks I got demons, they're schemin' to bring me down to my doom And there's a devil on each shoulder like a Popeye cartoon They're temptin' and baitin', I'm masturbatin' and waitin' For the date of our fate and now everyone say "Hail Satan!" I Am Schäffer the Decadent, * * by my * My neighbors are checkin' it, records fightin' their kids They whistle cuz this'll help them feel much less queasy As quickly, they pa** by the haunted house of me, STD I've been sent to the surface, snarlin', spittin' and cursin' Ain't a person who's safe from my crusade of convertin Skeptics may find my antics a bit disconcertin' I'm hurtin' for words, there's birds of prey all day perchin' Up in my area, I'm scarier alive than a carca** My blood is black and cold, and I'm told my soul is the darkest By the big guy downstairs, I throw a hand in the air Remove the thumb, the ring, the devil horns, because I don't care You see, the hip hop scene thugs don't dig the humorous schtick And the comedy clubs don't want the musical bit But the heavy metal heads and rock'n'rollers cheer and clap They may be into it, they don't even listen to rap That's why you are my people. Yes, all you all are my people. Because you're like me: f**ed up, horny and all evil And you love it, you puppets. You'll follow me down to hell For I am Schäffer the Darklord and you're all under my spell I Am Schäffer the Demonic. Gothic and shop at Hot Topic Talkin' bout walkin' to Hell and * * Masonic I'm rotten, erotic. You got it? Say "Yes, we see." I'm a true ba*tard, your new master, you call me STD I Am Schäffer the Darklord, not yet quite deceased My name first is Mark for I've been touched by the Beast And my opinions make minions and crowds bow down before me Abbreviatin, like Satan, my name down to STD