Schaffer The Darklord - Tour Song lyrics

(Skit dialogue) Coolzey: OK, take a left…here STD: What? Where? Here? Coolzey: No no, in the alley – oh, that's ok. Just take a left here, and we'll circle back around STD: Alright, man Coolzey: And so…sh**! That's a one-way STD: Yeah – Coolzey: - Alright, let's take a left here - STD: I thought you'd played here before, man! Coolzey: sh**, that's a one-way, too STD: This map is drawn in crayon, Z! *Coolzey verse: Using topographical maps to plan out the best paths No contracts, I hope we don't take a bath Do a show in a church selling, merch in the apse Living off claps, spilling beer in our laps Put the gear in the van, put the beer in my hand Travel across the land, putting fear in the man Lend an ear to a fan after hours, check fam Looking for romance in a one-night stand Make a grand, spend a grand, my left arm gets tan From hanging out the driver's side window of the van Band after band after bad bland band Coolzey is back by the devil's demand So dance I command you, or you could just stand, too We never really practiced a set, we just ran through A couple of times, did the songs in my mind Now the time has come, and it's time to unwind For forty-five minutes you don't even have to think Just smile, bob your head and hold on to your drink Here, let me grab mine too "Cheers!" *clink* Take a sip then wink Time to take a shower when the van starts to stink You could be Zelda, and I could be Link Play the magic flute so that I could teleport to the heliport STD, bring them to the brink (CHORUS): We gotta pack and grab a sack and get our act on the road We're going on tour, driving in survival mode Everyday's a hangover, every night's another show I'm going out of my mind, but I don't want to go home In five hours gotta drive five hundred miles To hit our destination, not a station on the dial Play a set and jet or maybe stay for awhile No 9 to 5 is my kind of lifestyle Get in the van - Get the f** out of town Stick to the plan - Hope we don't break down Rock a bunch of dates across the states and how We're going on tour - We'll be coming around We're coming for you - And you're coming along We're on award tour - But this isn't that song Rock a bunch of gigs for the kids we roam We're going out of our minds - But we don't wanna go home *STD verse: Who's got the keys to the van? I gotta swap CDs with the band. Coolzey, you're the man! I'm always losing sh** when I'm doing these tours Hey, Z, I found my keys! No wait, these are yours What day is today? And which way are we going? I lose track of time, I'm only living in the moment Hours in the van can get rather maddening But it's all a part of my rock and roll fantasy Pa** me the atlas and the Mapquest folder We're supposed to be in Boise but the signs say "Boulder" Bladder's about to burst, please pull over to the shoulder Better bring it while we can, man, we're only getting older Rolling up to the club afraid that we're late Collect our drink tickets then we sit and we wait And we wait and we wait it's only half past 8 How late do the bars operate in this state? Meet the local acts, green room's in the back And hopefully somebody will have a place to crash All that we ask is a floor and a shower And some power for our chargers and a party after-hours Our sets are the same as the last ten nights Now we're awfully polished, getting hotter water-tight Some nights kids are laughing, dancing, clapping, rapping back at us And after some will ask for autographs on CD packages Last call, mill about on the street And see if we can find a kind sweetie with lareats Tomorrow morning really means tomorrow afternoon We'll hit a greasy spoon, shoot the moon and resume We do it because we love it, we don't need another reason I'd love to tour forever, any weather, any season The life I love is making music with my friends And I can't wait to get on the road again (CHORUS) *Coolzey freestyle: It's like that, y'all! It's like that, y'all! And you're out of luck if you catch a flat, y'all My name's Cool to the Z, and my name – oh, f**! Wait, I had something I was gonna say about - Oh, sh**. Other sh**, I was gonna say some other sh** Oh f**, man. I can freestyle most…time