Santa Claus - Co-Opting Santa lyrics

Head Executive: So, to sum up we basically co-opted Santa Claus and made him synonymous with Coca-Cola. Executive: I have to say, it's a a breeze signing endorsement deals with fictional characters! Executives: group laugh Larry: Are we sure we don't wanna replace him with Britney Spears? Executives: group laugh Santa Claus barges into the room with a grumpy look on his face; room fall silent Santa Claus: Ho ho ho. Gentlemen, gentlemen. Please, no need to get up. Head Executive: Uh, who are you? Santa Claus: Why, I'm Santa Claus. I was just flying by and heard everyone having a good laugh in here. Please, someone tell me what was so funny. Make. Me. Laugh. (beat) Well, allow me to repeat a joke my lawyers told me the other day. It involved a large multi-national corporation that's been using my likeness without permission or compensation. Ho ho ho! Isn't that hilarious?! Larry: N-Now, you listen here! Santa Claus doesn't exist! We all know that! Santa Claus: Now, why would you say that, Larry? Is it because I didn't give you the Louisville Slugger you asked for when you were 9? (Santa pulls out a Louisville Slugger baseball bat from his coat) Larry: How did you know that? Santa Claus: I know a lot of things, Larry. I know that you've been on my naughty list since '72. I know that your company has been using my image to promote your product since 1931. And I know I've never seen a dime and you know what that means, Larry?! (Whispers) I know you're a f**ing thief! Santa Claus attempts to whack Larry with the baseball bat, but he gets up on the table where he swings a Coke bottle at Santa. Santa Claus hits him twice with the baseball bat. He gets him off the table where he decapitates Larry with two swings to the head. A woman executive smashes a Coca-Cola picture over Santa's head before he kicks her away. Santa grabs another executive and shoves his head into a Coke cooler. He is seen with two Coke bottles sticking out of his eyes. Santa punches him in the stomach which makes him puke Coke. Santa opens a door where a hungry polar bear grabs another executive and eats him. The head executive attempts to swing at Santa, but he gets the bat and decapitates the head executive with it Santa Claus: I'll expect my check in the mail. (Santa moves the door which reveals three more scared executives) Santa Claus: f**ers can spell North Pole, can't you? Oh, and about that talk of replacing me with Britney Spears... Santa pulls out Britney Spear's severed head from his bag Santa Claus: Think again. Ho ho ho! (Santa smiles at the executives before the screen fades and the Star Trek Opening is applied)