Samsa - Twenty-two thoughts on god lyrics

1) I read about the ark, but wonder ‘bout where Noah kept the fish in 2) God must own a tempur-pedic, that's why Christ has seldom risen 3) God was bored so Abraham beheld a vision he should k** his children then he almost k**ed him but then God was like I'm kidding 4) God sure asks a lot for someone who's supreme and self-sufficient 5) I bet Christ's apostles really were a group of twelve magicians 6) If God is good then why do kids have cancer cell division? Truthfully, I'm more pissed off about my plasma television that I prayed for but I never got 7) If organized religion really wants to solve conditions they should stop peddling scripture, trade the bishops for physicians Melt the steeples into stethoscopes, swap sermons for some surgeons and instead should sell prescriptions 8) I wish Christ was still alive to turn my water into Zinfandel 9) I'm confused why ISIS slaughters guiltless infidels 10) I wonder if when God is sent Fidel He would toss him into hell or place the hard decisions in his closet on a shelf 11) The Fall of Adam s**s and all as God has taught us very well If God's almighty why could not he just have caught him as he fell? 12) If I could meet the Lord incarnate I'd award him with a ribbon not as savior, but as heaven's finest warden of a prison 13) If I were there when Gutenberg had beta printed newly minted bibles I'd say wait a minute, you should shorten them a smidgen, And for nonbelievers, make sure God's coordinates were given 14) I wonder if you sin but pray it off, if all of it's forgiven 15) I feel like God knew Eve would take it if he called the fruit forbidden But just plays it off, like Jesus, dude, admit it, you're omniscient 16) If Allah were on twitter he would catch some major flack 17) I like to think if you retweeted, he would pat you on the back 18) I like to think he outlawed bacon due to saturated fat 19) I like to think he too's confused about the SNAFU in Iraq, 20) I like to think that up in Eden there's a patch of purple gra** Where every innocent civilian gets a statue and a plaque 21) The Palestine-Israeli conflict's like the longest game of tag and with the bombers, it's the wrongest game of capturing the flag 22) I wonder if the lord is cross that I do not believe in he but more importantly, I wonder if the lord believes in me