The plane takes off, Your seat belt's on The man next to you whispers "I've got a bomb" You freak out How to respond? What if he's joking don't overreact Just giggle and smile, God what if he's An Air Marshall Better look slightly concerned Think it through now. Did he actually say What you think that he said. Is your hearing ok? 'Cos you can't dob him in If he simply said "My name is Tom" Well you could take the chance, there's no room to doubt it. If you do and you're wrong, you could both laugh about it And you and Tom might become really good friends Or it might just get awkward until the flight ends 'Cos pretty high up on the "making friends error list" Is the act of calling your friend a terrorist. Back to the present. You better think quick. It's getting unpleasant. He's starting to tick. Well that's all the proof that you need, come on now take a lead But what if it's a pacemaker? You don't want to worsen his heart valve condition If he's falsely accused, he could die of derision And anyway you are still patting yourself On the back for rhyming "error list" with "terrorist" He's gone to the toilet. This is your chance. Tell the hostess, wash the guilt from your hands. But what if he's not a high-jacker and he Is just Tom with a heart problem doing a wee? He's just k**ed a pa**enger. Hands in the air. Everyone's screaming. There's blood everywhere. Well maybe now you could inform the attendant. You've got enough proof to suggest you could end it But what if, just what if it's only an act And the woman he k**ed is pretending in fact. It's a world first performance of Hamlet again, It's a modern adaptation and it's set on a plane And you don't want to muck the show up. The plane's going down. There's not long to go. You grab a small child to cushion the blow Then Tom walks past to your surprise You grab a plastic utensil and gouge out his eyes. You feel like a hero 'Til the pilot starts speaking He says "Sorry about the unexpected turbulence" "Our performance of Hamlet will resume in 20 minutes" "And please give a round of applause to your special guest actor... Tom Hanks" You've just eye-gouged Tom Hanks. You're being arrested And the kid that you grabbed is claiming he was molested, by you. Life can change. Life can change so fast. One minute you're a pa**enger then you're eye gouging film stars And as you lie in jail You get a letter in the mail It says "Thanks". It's from Tom Hanks And it explodes.