Sam Pink - AMINIVANFULLOFANGRYHETEROSEXUALS WITH CROOKED TEETH AND EVEN MORE CROOKED WAYS OF GETTING REVENGE lyrics

1 I could wrestle the f** out of emilio (schmelio) estevez no problem. 2 I still think you should move into my basement. 3 It's all good man, one day you will save my life by slapping a crack pipe out of my hands and we will be even. I hope you enjoy the book. I'll mail it out tomorrow. 4 I am patting your shoulder in my head. Can I be your grandpa please? My self esteem is a wall made of empty shoeboxes. If I find out you ate my last bagel I'm gonna f** you up with a golf club. 5 In other news, I am still not a dinosaur catcher but my resume is out there. And no, you can not beat me at nerf basketball. Trust me. One of my arms is eight feet long. 6 It was so nice, our day together. I'll never forget it. 7 When I read your email I felt like I got stabbed in the heart but with like, a good, nice, sprinkle-covered knife. I laughed when I read that you would electrocute me. That would be fun. 8 I think if there was a day where everyone agreed not to go outside so I could pretend like the world was mine, that would make me happy. Just one day though. 9 I figured I would say hi and remind you that you're not alone. 10 Don't be a b**h. f**ing do it. Or I'll f** you up with a combination lock inside a dress sock (dress socks stress easier). 11 I think you should sincerely consider donating your eggs. Just sayin. 12 I was once a rhino but I became a girl when I was blasted by a photon beam redirected off the sun. 13 Cool. Everything sounds good. I'm living out of my f**ing van right now. 14 I'm tired. Anyway, I have to cut this email short, I ate so much fruit yesterday, right now my stomach sounds like a techno song. 15 I am s**ually attracted to many of my non-blood related aunts and I think it's mutual based on the way they press their breasts into me during hugs. 16 I flicked off a car full of old people today because they honked at me and now I kind of regret it but I am not totally sure. 17 Bummer dude. I don't have facebook. 18 Crackhead hoes, fatties, maybe some busted a** church's chicken. We'll do it up. A lock of your hair is my co*k ring. 19 No, I mean, like, whenever I see him perform I don't laugh. It's weird. 20 Climb a tree and cry there. No one will find you. 21 Well, I tried the fear but it just made her cry. 22 Blades of Steel for the regular Nintendo was pretty dope. I like the sound of the fighting. The punches sounded like little pretzel sticks hitting the tile. 23 Something tells me you don't know much about handling women. 24 Man I love Mike Tyson. Seriously. 25 I always smile so people won't feel weird. Most of the time I mean it I think, but I can't really tell. 26 I'll show you knucklehead when my knuckles are in your head, a**face. 27 You have damage? I always think "I am damaged." or "I am hungry." 28 My favorite world leader is the sun. 29 Perhaps I have been a silly billy. 30 Your drunk grandma got nothing on my late drunk grandma! 31 sh** in sh** out my brotha. Yeah but I am always invisible. 32 It means chow down on a fukkin dick homey! 33 I'd just be like, "what, you look like a girl." Anyway, life's terrible. 34 Dude, f** that guy at the cigar lounge. "Deputy sheriff." I read that and all I see is "total b**h." Anger and mockery! 35 Like I always end up thinking, "what is wrong with everyone." Oh well, we'll both die at some point. Magnificent. 36 In Tim Allen voice: "urrgggghh?" Haha, now I see Tim Allen wide-eyed, doing that grunt. And Al shoves his cokepowdery a** into Tim Allen's face again. And then Al's like "I don't thinkso Tim." Anyway I am starting to remember why I almost always ignore p**y in favor of loneliness. 37 I'm getting a vasectomy on Thursday, and then I'll be even better. 38 I'm planning on being more of a c*ntpickle. 39 Hopefully I will wake up to a completely incinerated earth. 40 1. Will they mind that I look like a skinhead murderer? and 2. Is there a drug test? 41 I hate you. You s**. 42 Insect p**nographer 43 So I went to the store and I came back. and at one point, I thought these dudes were tryin' to holla at me, but it turned out that the whistling was just part of the song they were listening to. 44 Dude she has a dude's chest. I've accomplished nothing today. You're a stupid who*e. 45 You ever get so low that you don't even care about f**ing? 46 I wish I had a vagina so I could be more valuable for you. I would totally f** you after that one. 47 I'm tired. Gonna go get ready for bed.