Sadistik - October Freewrite lyrics

I sit and play my organ to this carnival of souls And I bare my paper heart to let the article unfold It's harder to control I know I'm partial to indulge So I drink and sink I think it brings a calmness to my skull I watch it all unfold just to stitch it all together Gettin' shivers from my mistress that delivered me a letter Full of pain, full of hope and the increments of pleasure It contains more of those then any instrument can measure Yeah, feeling ugly in my skin Weaving a tornado and then running from the wind This habit of abandonment is something I resent Cause it's tragic and it's cancerous it's functioning like d**h I want to meet a mute just to kiss her on her honest lips Use my withered hands and paint a picture of accomplishment Mixture of the opposites insecure and confident Uh, these are the symptoms of an optimist Cause you can hang yourself for all I care I don't mean that but I wish I did I kissed your lips and I whispered isn't this intense Every time the winter hits your relation-ship-wreck and I slit my wrists Here's the falling snow I don't know much except I know I don't know when it's time to go I'm alone in my room missin' Mike again Leviathan on my back so I have to write again Second cla** citizen, epitaph chiseled in my neck and back When I've been to hell and back visitin'. Right? I fell in traps on the pilgrimage sellin' off to dodge when you left me for a bargain Sometimes I drink till four AM Am I self-destructive? I drink therefore I am Magnetism like I know Descartes On a sojourn for an owner of a lonely heart We could be together, forever On Noah's ark drifting where the souls depart You could show me the contents Napoleon complex could rip my bones apart Look I would bleed in the snow And wait for the sun just to see what would grow This is for the days I would sink in a hole and every disconnected handshake received at a show For every single girl that was scared to say she loved me And everyone that did when she'd only want to f** me For every friend that I knew I'd never trust All's quiet on the western front I've been searching for a straw in a barrel full of needles Too late to be original but scared to do a sequel When the veins show they're varicose and feeble From the fake hopes and pheromones they feed you See, I don't like my skin today I'll bite the hand that feeds till it bleeds and my lips decay All these things I can't give away So I think I'll just sit awake (What's the point of dreaming anyway right?) There's a monster on the inside clawin' at my skin Beggin' me to let him out and calling me a friend Telling me to have some fun, telling me to grab a gun Saying it'll be a blast I know that he's acting up But, if he doesn't quit soon I'mma have to send him to his bedroom (Click, Boom) You are nothing but another schizophrenic urge of givin' human properties without a sympathetic nervous system Uh, I hope you get under control cause I don't wanna get to know the devil on my shoulder Rainbows are black Angels are black Fangs in my neck and your halo is cracked Allergic to your skin so you make jokes and laugh But you really want to leave I'm your scapegoat for that And even though I know I'm barely turning twenty five When there's no more bridges left I'll just burn myself alive That's what I deserve That's what I have earned When I can't survive the ash and fire, blasphemize my words Tell them that I wasn't very good in the first place Don't believe the hype wake me up when it's October