Dashing through the snow I hate f**in' christmas Seems like it's one big "have to do" Seems like everybody that you meet on the street Has been singin "halle-f**in'-lujah" Well, the mistletoe on the ceiling really Makes me wanna do ya Christmas it's so hard to find c**aine Now it seems i can't get outta bed All those dickheads in their white shirts on my t.v. Singin' "please don't drink and drive" Well, that's pretty good advice 'cause ya just might spill your drink Christmas, it's the time for stealing presents Out from underneath your neighbor's tree Look's like little johnny just won't get his Teeneage mutant ninja turtle Well, i'd better wear a rubber 'cause that turtle might be fertile Today i think i'll screw my brother's girlfriend All he ever does is go to work When he goes downtown to buy the Dead bird, who's the f**in' turkey? I hate f**in' christmas