Root - Thank God You're Here lyrics

Well last night I dreamt the Angel of d**h Was looming near with a lugubrious leer I could almost smell its cadaverous breath As it whispered in my ear: Thank God you're here, Thank God you're here. I was pushed through a door to a packed studio I could tell it was Hell from the atmosphere That sulphurous smell of fires below And the audience yelled: Thank God you're here The stage was full of comedians, cavorting grimly to the crowds applause Incredibly I seemed to be one of them, shaking hands and sharpening claws The finest in their profession of gregarious self-obsession St Vitus dancing for pole position at the centre of attention All these friendly guys with daggers in their eyes All hail fellow, well met, and I hope you die So much bonomy, so much anomie They all had voodoo dolls that looked suspiciously like me Thank God you're here I seemed to be famous and good looking to boot If you want to be funny, you have to be cute Hanging on to my keyring - my supermodel plaything Whom I'm currently dating, well until next ratings, There goes Rove on the phone to the States With his caravan trailing, peeling him grapes And the Aussie chick, my radio sidekick With a NIDA degree so she can act thick Another door opened, a crush began A Working Dog came past carried on a Sedan With supplicants pitching movie treatments Like lepers at the feet of Jesus I felt my mouth form something ban*l The audience convulsed in the laughing grand mal I was pushed to the floor, someone stood on my head "The Chaser's chasing ratings" someone else said They held me down, yelled in my ear: "The dark lord comes Prepare for thy doom ADD Armageddon nears Thou shalt not be the funniest in the room" There was weeping and gnashing of teeth And in rode Billy Connolly on a sponsor logoed Harley Cackling, yelling: "Let's talk about me!" Thank God You're Here Thank God You're Here Thank God You're Here I woke, flapping, like a fish on a line The nightmare over; alive, alone Lying in a pool of my own salty brine The ringing in my head morped into my phone My doona, spooled round my ear, I picked up my phone, brushed a tear It was Henri Root saying, "Thank God you're here, The Comedy Festival wants us to appear."