Romanovsky And Phillips - Straightening Up The House lyrics

(Sometimes getting the house ready for Mom & Dad's visit requires more than a dust rag and some Pledge...) Today I took the nudes down off the wall Ten minutes after I received her telephone call She'll be here Friday morning so there's not much time to clean Better hide the Advocate and Mandate magazine We'll redecorate the guest room so it looks like it's been used Separate our wardrobes or she'll really be confused Then get ready for a lonely week of sleeping on the couch We're straightening up the house Tomorrow I will put away your gay pride shirts And our Halloween a**ortment of j**elry, pumps and skirts Then pack up all the books by Quentin Crisp and Rita Mae And the "His & His" towels that you bought me yesterday And you'd better hide the albums by that lesbian group She has no ear for music, but she has been known to snoop And remember not to kiss me, just forget that you're my spouse Straightening up the house The snapshots of the two of us in Spain will have to go Don't tell me this is totally insane, because I know And I cannot wear the wristwatch with our names engraved in gold The one that says "I love you, John, with all my heart and soul" This is our first Christmas here in our new home In a hostile world, it's our only safety zone I never should have promised I'd continue with this lie But Dad was so certain if she found out she would die But if it's k**ing anyone I think it's k**ing me 'Cause it tears me up inside to hide my true identity And asking you to help me makes me feel like such a louse I'm thirty-two years old, why am I acting like a mouse? I'm a man and he's my lover If she freaks out she'll recover C'mon and help me to just CLEAN the house!