Richard H. Blake - There! Right There! lyrics

[ELLE] Look at that tanned, well tended skin Look at the k**er shape he's in Look at that slightly stubbly chin Oh, please, he's gay Totally gay! [CALLAHAN] I'm not about to celebrate Every trait could indicate A totaly straight expatriate That guy's not gay I say not gay [CALLAHAN/ELLE/ENSEMBLE] That is the elephant in the room Well, is it relevant to a**ume That a man who wears perfume Is automatically, radically fae? [EMMETT] But look at his coifed and crispy locks [ELLE] Look at his silk translucent socks [CALLAHAN] That's the eternal paradox Look what we're seein' [VIVIENNE] What are we seein'? [CALLAHAN] Is he gay? [ELLE] Of course he's gay! [CALLAHAN] Or European? [ENSEMBLE] Ohhhh Gay or European? It's hard to guarantee Is he gay or European? [WARNER] Well, hey, don't look at me [VIVIENNE] You see they bring their boys up different In those charming foreign ports They play peculiar sports [VIVIENNE/ENSEMBLE] In shiny shirts and tiny shorts [ENSEMBLE] Gay or foreign fella? The answer could take weeks They both say things like "Ciao, Bella" While they kiss you on both cheeks [ELLE] Oh, please [ENSEMBLE] Gay or European? So many shades of gray [WARNER] Depending on the time of day The French go either way [ENSEMBLE] Is he gay or European, or--? [ENID] There, right there! Look at that condescending smirk Seen it on every guy at work That is a metro, hetero jerk That guy's not gay, I say, no way [ENSEMBLE] That is the elephant in the room Well is it relevant to presume That a hottie in that costume [VIVIENNE] Is automatically, radically [CALLAHAN] Ironically, chronically [ENID] Certainly, flirtingly [WARNER] Genetically, medically [ENSEMBLE] Gay, offically gay Swishily gay, gay, gay, gay... Damn it! Gay or European? [CALLAHAN] So stylish and relaxed [ENSEMBLE] Is he gay or European? [CALLAHAN] I think his chest is waxed [VIVIENNE] But they bring their boys up different there It's culturally diverse It's not a fashion curse [ENSEMBLE] If he wears a kilt or bears a purse Gay or just exotic? I still can't crack the code [BROOKE] Yeah, his accent is hypnotic But his shoes are pointy toed [ENSEMBLE] Huh Gay or European? So many shades of gray [JUDGE] But if he turns out straight I'm free at eight on Saturday [ENSEMBLE] Is he gay or European? Gay or European? Gay or Euro-- [EMMETT] Wait a minute Give me a chance to crack this guy I have an idea I'd like to try [CALLAHAN] The floor is yours [EMMETT] So, Mr Argitakos This alleged affair with Ms Wyndham has been going on for...? [NIKOS] Two years [EMMETT] And your first name again is...? [NIKOS] Nikos [EMMETT] And your boyfriend's name is...? [NIKOS] Carlos I-I, sorry! I misunderstand! You say "boyfriend" I thought you say "best friend" Carlos is my best friend [CARLOS] You ba*tard! You lying ba*tard! That's it, I no cover for you no more! Peoples, I have a big announcement This man is gay AND European [ENSEMBLE] Whoa! [CARLOS] And neither is disgrace You gotta stop your bein' A completely closet case It's me, not her he's seein' No matter what he say I swear he never, ever, ever swing the other way You are so gay, you big parfait You flaming one man cabaret [NIKOS] I'm straight! [CARLOS] You were not yesterday So if I may, I'm proud to say He's gay [ENSEMBLE] And European! [CARLOS] He's gay [ENSEMBLE] And European! [CARLOS] He's gay [ENSEMBLE] And European And gay [NIKOS] Fine, okay, I'm gay [CARLOS/ENSEMBLE] Hooray!