Richard D'Oyly Carte - I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General lyrics

I am the very model of a modern Major-General I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical About binomial theorem I am teeming with a lot o' news With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse I'm very good at integral and differential calculus I know the scientific names of beings animalculous In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral I am the very model of a modern Major-General I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies I know the croaking chorus from The Frogs of Aristophanes! Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform And tell you ev'ry detail of Caractacus's uniform: In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral I am the very model of a modern Major-General In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and "ravelin" When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a Javelin When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat" When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral I am the very model of a modern Major-General