I'm not afraid of the dark I'm afraid of what's in the dark That I cannot see Because it's so dang dark, so dang dark, so dang dark, so dang dark, so dang dark There might be a ghost in the dark That's pretty unlikely But there definitely could be a slippery spot And that's arguably even more frightening There might be a sudden level change Like an unexpected step down Your foot is still up in the air When your brain thought it'd be on the ground by now There might be some fungus 'Cause they like it where it's dark and moist Wait, are we talking about mushrooms? Athlete's foot, but you make a good point 'Cause some mushrooms are deadly And in the dark I might be fooled But it's not like you have to eat it But you know how much I love mushrooms I'm not afraid of the dark I'm afraid of what's in the dark That I cannot see Because it's so dang dark, so dang dark, so dang dark, so dang dark, so dang dark There could be two fractions in the dark And they need to be added together But I don't remember how to add fractions And I don't have a calculator There might be a jury summons And it says you gotta go in on your birthday But I have to look at murder photos While I'm trying to enjoy my ice cream cake There could be a brand new home Congratulations But they started fracking at the edge of my neighborhood And now my home is depreciating What if there's a blank canvas Where do I even start? And is it even worth the risk? Who am I? Should I go back to law school? I'm not afraid of the dark I'm afraid of what's in the dark That I can not see Because it's so dang dark, so dang dark, so dang dark, so dang dark, so dang dark