Reggie Watts - My History Thus Far lyrics

I grew up in Montana, yes Sometimes we would get up and we would have a snow drift Covering up to the roof line I remember I had to climb out through the window And go to the garage and get some shovels And shovel a path to the front door To reveal the front door, which is completely encased in snow And then we'd have to deal with black ice The blackest, the blackest, the blackest, the blackest, the blackest, the blackest, the blackest of ice Oh, the snow is very nice The school system in Montana never closed for bad weather Never once and didn't understand So you'd see tons of cars moving at two miles per hour with the blizzard It was really weird, but you would see lots of kids in the cla**room Approximately two-thirds or so, because a third of them were transplants from another area that didn't know how to handle the weather either And that's how it went The hallways were dripping with water, very moist, yes All the people were nice, but not the boys They would take snowballs and put rocks and pebbles inside And throw them at your a** Then I moved to a little place Called the Big Apple, Big Apple, oh yeah yeah I lived on 3rd and C with a very good bunch of company, yes A playwright, a playwright, and an editor, and an editor And a playwright, it was a seven floor walk-up, walk-up, walk-up, walk-up, f** that sh** It was very far away from any public transportation Man that also really s**ed I didn't make enough to take a cab So I was walking a lot, I had to plan ahead To figure out if there was gonna be any delay Beyond the walk that I had to do You see, I was the kind of person that likes to wait until the last minute to do anything It really f**s you up when you're not really close to transportation and sh**, you know what I'm sayin'? But then I had the chance to move to Brooklyn, Brooklyn Heights Brooklyn, Brooklyn, Brooklyn Heights, yes Bad idea Oh yes, there's the promenade Oh yes, there's beautiful brown snow But then you have to deal with stupid-a** college kids with their stupid cigarettes and their attitudes But most of all, MacLaren strollers, MacLaren strollers With ethnic nannies, ethnic nannies, ethnic nannies White babies, MacLaren strollers, and ethnic nannies I thought I was going to die of boredom, oh I'm sure it's fine if you need a MacLaren stroller and a nanny But to me that's not a very good time So I dreamt of moving to a place of cliches A circus a**ortment of human frames People who knew the meaning of irony, rony, rony, rony I moved to the Williamsburg The pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty Williamsburg Moved to 3rd Ave and Y right next to a wonderful diner called Relish, Relish, Relish Nice lovely people that work inside of Relish, Relish I relish...best burger in town, one of them, yeah I lived with a guy who was super smart He was super smart He started an internet company with some friends Made a lot, a lot of money He was enterprising, his brain was go, go, go, go, go We did a lot of little projects, video and otherwise We had a good time, we had a fellowship of the druggish kind, yeah I love living by the L, arguably the best train as long as you live off Bedford stop, yeah Because it's just a straight shot across town And that's always the sh**tiest part of Manhattan To get from one side to the other, up and down's not so bad I liked the shape and attitude of the people because it was very funny That we all acted like we couldn't see each other But really we were checking the various forms of j**elry and clothing that we were wearing The various unkempt states of presenting oneself So that it looks as though you probably don't have a job And that is part of the look Because it makes you feel as though you're filtering people that you do not want to deal with on a day to day basis It's the protectionist reaction, yeah So if you have a problem with people that identify themselves as hipsters Well, it's just a cla**ification that likes to insulate itself so that it's not infiltrated Even though they're infiltrating themselves by making facsimiles and copies of themselves within their own population, yeah, oh yeah yeah But I love all the little variations The people that live in the various areas Because when you need help, people in New York are surprisingly helpful They forget all the costumes that they're wearing And they just get to the matter and pragmatically solve them so that they can move on throughout their day, oh yes That's living in New York City Now I don't live anywhere I haven't since that place I lived with the internet guy went away in March, March, March I've been on airplane, then another airplane Then an airplane, another airplane, continent Airplane, another continent Airplane, another country airplane Airplane, here's an airport I have a preference of airports, that's a lot of flying I thought that I was dying I didn't know where home was, I still don't really know But I planned it so I'd be here for a month and a half, at least So now I feel like I live here, yes I feel like I live here I think that someday a place will fall from the sky I know it takes work and stuff, but you know When sometimes you're a guy and you don't have a lot of patience And you just can't figure out how it is to talk to a broker Or look in the paper and actually do the footwork To look at spaces and things like that Because since I've lived in New York, people have just said Hey, why don't you live here, and it's worked like that So I'm used to that form of reality accommodating in that way So I guess it forms a type of laziness But I'm rather productive in a creative way So I kind of rationalize my lack of behavior to be Kind of initiative in that kind of a way, you know Towards finding a living space That's what we do, it's part of the rat race That's what we do, that's what we do But then there's Facebook You can ask anyone on the Facebook Do you have a little place? Do you have a little place that I can stay? Yes Sure enough, the singer from Thievery Corporation I don't even know her very well She said that she was going on vacation And I could stay at her place just off the, off the Graham stop A really wonderful location if you like White Castle If you like White Castle, the castle of whiteness Her place is lovely, I rather like it She lives like I'd like to live But I got so used to not paying rent for the last four years of my life It's hard for me to rationalize that Instead I buy an iPhone and an extra computer, yes And some gadgets, a camera that has a twelve times optical lens But still relatively inexpensive but with stereo microphones embedded So it's a small version of a high quality instrument that you would normally pay for I like to take vacations I like to stay in places that are really strange And if my friend says, I'm in Berlin, would you like to join me? I say, okay because I'm not paying rent I have enough money to tend an airfare over there, maybe I can get a gig So I ask my manager and she says Well, I don't know that market very well, but I'll see what I can do She doesn't give me a gig, but that's okay because she got me this gig And this is a pretty cool gig, and it's got, you know, see all this stuff that's on display But see, life is pretty good Life is pretty great, you know what I'm sayin'? Life is pretty awesome Like for instance, this is my last example, here we go: I hurt my back, four years--four days ago Same notes, shorter, four days ago, yeah It hurt real bad, I could barely walk, it was my lower back I didn't know what the f** was going on I never experienced anything like that before Oh no no, yes But then the next day, a friend of mine, she's a photographer And she's really cool but I rarely get to see her She's really busy, and that's what happens in New York People that you want to hang out with, you never get to Because they're always busy doing other projects and sh** You know how that works, yes, I think you do, yes you do Oh yes it's true, yes, so it here it goes, scooby shoobeedoo Yeah, so she gave me a present backstage after the first night of filming It was a little tiny box with a lot of stickers And rainbow stickery other things that are stickery and stickish That kind of presented and became festooned with a kind of a logic That was very celebratory in a mild way And then I took off that stuff and then I opened the box And there were three vicodin, three vicodin Sewn across their middles inside of a j**elry stuff That fit perfectly to match the dimensions of that box How wonderful is that? I don't even really know her that well But she reached out and gave me something That made me feel rather swell Oh yes, it's a wonderful life, yes, oh yeah, a wonderful life I didn't think so, that was many days ago I said, why is this happening before I'm filming? And then someone gave me some ibuprofen And ibuprofen is closely related to aspirin, but I didn't know that And I am definitely allergic to aspirin, so I had a huge allergic reaction I had to counteract it by physically chewing on Benadryl pills And just before I thought I was gonna go to the hospital I said, you know what? I think I might be okay And then I went onstage and performed and weird sh** happened But that is life, what does the future behold? The future? I don't know guys, but we're all in it together We can make the future stronger, or we can make the future weaker Either way, the future is out there And depending on the choices that you make You can steer yourself towards the correct reality Although the other reality will continue to exist as well, if you want to shift into it But in order to gain the awareness to shift into that reality Well that requires a lot of energy And I don't really have that kind of energy So I generally kind of listen to the intuitive side of myself Which hopefully guides me to the right place, but not always obviously Because relationships are a very difficult thing for me to maintain But what I'm trying to tell you is that I have friends And friends above all relationships are incredibly important And if you have a friend, remember to always love your friend Because that friend is always going to be there Besides the s**uality and that's incredibly important Because you see, in the end, we lose our s**uality to a certain degree And we need to kind of just realize that we're actually just kind of weird organizations of molecules That kind of conform to an atmospheric content That is a self-awareness unit that is part of a larger collective And that's like one of those things where you're like, oh my God, whoa You know, but nonetheless, that's probably how it is So listen, before I go, I like to say this to you... (You're a genius, Reggie Watts) Thank you, sir, thank you, we're all geniuses Let's go out, and destroy the world!