Ray Stevens - Juanita and the Kids lyrics

I got a letter from the IRS Inviting me to be their guest at an audit They were conducting just for me They said, "No need to worry, probably nothing wrong. Just bring your wife and children along. We just need to clear up a small technicality." Now the only problem with an audit is My wife Juanita and our fourteen kids Friends, you cannot believe the refunds they have been worth But it was years ago that I got this idea And I bought Juanita in the mail from Korea She's an inflatable doll, but she came with a certificate of birth! I was a single guy without any deductions So I claimed Juanita, and what a reduction! I received with her as my spouse on the taxes I pay That worked so well that every year after that I recorded a birth when I paid my tax Each kid certified by Cabbage Patch, USA (Chorus) Oh, Juanita (Juanita) My inflatable señorita The IRS wants to take you and the children away (Away-yay-yay-yay) You and Jim and Tammy, Lonnie and Bert, Farrah, Charo, Michael, and Kurt, Jan and Dean, Erline, Louise, Barbara, and Little Ray (Little Ray) So I dressed Juanita like the perfect mother Velcroed the children to one another And when we walked into that audit those people nearly flipped their lids! Heh heh heh! I said, "Juanita might lay around and never cook And the children don't clean their rooms and never crack a book But hey, they ain't much different from my brother's wife and kids! Uh huh! "And I got Social Security cards here for every one My wife, my daughters, and all of my sons All officially issued by the government of the USA "So before you call me down to muster Somebody here better think twice, buster! Do you really wanna be the one to accuse the government of making a big mistake? Huh?" (Chorus) Oh, Juanita (Juanita) My sioto señorita The IRS wants to take you and the children away (Away-yay-yay-yay) You and Jim and Tammy, Lonnie and Bert, Farrah, Charo, Michael, and Kurt, Jan and Dean, Erline, Louise, Barbara, and Little Ray (Little Ray) That agent sat there, his mouth agape Thinking over that government mistake And how his civil service career could be at its end And then he reached for a stamp that read, "Approved" And said, "Hope the kids do better next year in school! And why don't you and the Missus drop by and say hello now and then! Heh heh heh!" (Chorus) Oh, Juanita (Juanita) He he he! My inflatable señorita Looks like you and the kids all get to stay (Stay-yay-yay-yay) He he he! (Spoken) What's that, honey? You say you need to get home quick? You say you started to feel a little sick? And you think you might once again be in a family way? Ha ha ha ha! What's that? You think it might be triplets this time? Ho ho ho ho, Juanita, you are a wonder Ha ha ha! Do what? Why, of course we can support your mother! Heh heh heh! I even think her moving expenses are deductible! He he he! Does she still live in Bangkok?