Rachel Sheinkin - My Unfortunate Erection (Chip's Lament) lyrics

[CHIP, spoken] Fritos! M & M's? Oreos! All for one dollar! [CHIP] It is tradition That the person eliminated From the competition Is fair game for derision Especially the alpha-male Will sell goodies at the bake sale Anyone for brownies? Anyone for chocolate chips? Anyone for anything That isn't dated? How could I have been Eliminated? You wanna know how? You wanna know how? You wanna know why? My unfortunate erection Is destroying my perfection It is my recollection That everything I once did I did perfectly Last year's champ defeated! Because of Marigold Coneybear Because there's something and not a thing between us I don't blame my brain but I do blame my penis My unfortunate protuberance Seems to have its own exuberance Anyone for M & M's? Delicious and appropriate Anyone for Chewy Goobers? Inexpensive Anyone for buying the sh** that I'm selling? Because my stiffy has ruined my spelling Erection Erection My unfortunate erection Whoa It's ruining my life It's ruining my world It's ruining my Ruining Ruining Ruining my life My life Adulthood brings its own peculiar rejection Which is why I'm selling this PTA Confection It will ruin your complexion All because of my unfortunate Erection Oh God!