Rachel Bloom - Cold Showers lyrics
[Rebecca Bunch, singing] There's nothing I love more in life Than a scalding hot shower It's the symbol of human dignity That separates us from the chimps Helps you scrub off the sleep and scrub on the day Or scrub off the day, and scrub on the sleep Don't know if you're morning or night shower people Whatever floats your boat But where are your toddlers gonna float their boats If all you have is cold H2O? That's two parts hydrogen, one part oxygen And zero parts justice [Paula, singing] Now I know you're thinking “What are you talking about? Go away, this is private property” [Darryl, singing] Well, before we leave, ladies and gents Allow me to set the scene: ima [Guy] Yeah, I don't live here [Paula, talking] Oh [Rebecca, singing] Imagine your kids Taking a shower before they go to school They douse their skin with ice cold water A huge shock to their little systems At first it's downright unpleasant, but then It gets them wired in a way they've never felt And they think to themselves: “That shower felt great, Maybe I'll try c**aine” So your son's on coke, your daughter's pregnant And your husband's probably having an affair, apocalypse Just like the movie I Am Legend But not like that at all No hot water Which means cold showers Next thing you know, your kids will be on crack [Darryl] No hot water [Paula] Which means cold showers [Rebecca] Which everyone knows is the gateway drug to crack Crack, crack, crack [Chorus] Crack, crack, crack, crack [Rebecca, talking] Now, it's not just about the hot water, folks [Chorus] Crack, crack, crack, crack [Rebecca, talking] If this landlord isn't taking one measly hour Out of his day to fix your showers Then what's this scumbag doing with all your hard earned cash? He's taking it and blowing it [Chorus] Crack, crack, crack, crack [Rebecca, talking] In a hand of Pai Gow at the Indian casino [Chorus] (gasp) Crack, crack, crack [Rebecca, talking] He's fat-catting it at fancy restaurants like The Olive Garden [Chorus] (gasp) Crack, crack, crack, crack [Rebecca, talking] And Red Lobster [Chorus] (Big Gasp) oh! [Rebecca, singing] Gasp is right That's gasp with an uppercase G That ends with a P the first letter in pool [Chorus] No hot water [Paula] No hot water [Chorus] Which means cold showers [Rebecca] Next thing you know Your kids will be on crack [Chorus] This makes sense No hot water Means cold, cold showers And cold showers are the gateway drug To crack [Rebecca] Cold water is d** [Chorus] Yeah!