Pig With The Face Of A Boy - Howard Hughes Blues lyrics

Well it started quite innocently when I was young And obsessed with the physics of aeroplane wings And among other things, with the sizes of peas Which my special fork sorts with the greatest of ease I was raised by rich parents I tell you they daren't Permit me to walk with the snails and woodlice So that's why Kleenex boxes for shoes are so nice If I touch something once then I wash my hands twice If you sneeze on my shirt I'll burn it in a trice So don't touch, I don't know where you've been I literally fly in the face of great danger No fear that I'll die; my concerns are far stranger So when you see me hit a tree in a field Make sure that the medical kit is well sealed For the germs have no mercy and will never yield; Broken bones are okay if they're clean Haircuts are bad And the one I just had Got me nicked on the ear, and the blood made me fear That I might get infected and so I injected Ten gallons of milk in my rear Perhaps I'll have my hair and nails cut this time next year I am all too aware of the hygienic issues And I am not scared, for I'm armed with ten tissues One hundred milk bottles arranged round my door They're there to insure that the urine I store Is sterile and healthy; I'm weird and I'm wealthy I'll live for a thousand years more All food is diseased so I rarely eat dinner No sickness in me, though lately I'm thinner At least I have three dozen doctors on call They tell me I'm fine but I still doubt them all So each germ who sees will read "No Germs Here Please" Inscribed on the sign on my wall Don't play with my food, cause you'll only upset me And dust off your coat, or your illness will get me It's far less contagious out west in Las Vegas With clingfilm on pillows and sheets Sorting green food from brown and dairies from meats Now hark and you'll hear of my latest collection: I'm fetching all food chains who've ever been Texan My favourite toenail is now more like a claw It's handy for stabbing the bugs on the floor I take a great interest in Jane Russell's breasts As her nipples count 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 Preserving my health in my self imposed quarantine Freer of dirt than I'll warrant you've ever been Ice Station Zebra is screened once again My friends come to call, bringing virulent strains Of syphilis, scrofula, lurgy, consumption and gout But there's no way for them to get in, or for me to get out Q – U – A – R – A – N – T – I – N – E