Philip Payton - In California lyrics

My heart became a drunken runt On the day I sunk in this shunt To tap me clean Of all the wonder And the sorrow I have seen Since I left my home: My home, on the old Milk Lake Where the darkness does fall so fast It feels like some kind of mistake (just like they told you it would; Just like the Tulgeywood) When I came into my land I did not understand: Neither dry rot, nor the burn pile Nor the bark-beetle, nor the dry well Nor the black bear But there is another Who is a little older When I broke my bone He carried me up from the riverside To spend my life In spitting-distance Of the love that I have known I must stay here, in an endless eventide And if you come and see me You will upset the order You cannot come and see me For I set myself apart But when you come and see me In California You cross the border of my heart Well, I have sown untidy furrows Across my soul But I am still a coward Content to see my garden grow So sweet & full Of someone else's flowers But sometimes I can almost feel the power Sometimes I am so in love with you (Like a little clock That trembles on the edge of the hour Only ever calling out "Cuckoo, cuckoo") When I called you You, little one In a bad way Did you love me? Do you spite me? Time will tell if I can be well And rise to meet you rightly While, moving across my land Brandishing themselves Like a burning branch Advance the tallow-colored Walleyed deer Quiet as gondoliers While I wait all night, for you In California Watching the fox pick off my goldfish From their sorry, golden state-- And I am no longer Afraid of anything, save The life that, here, awaits I don't belong to anyone My heart is heavy as an oil drum And I don't want to be alone My heart is yellow as an ear of corn And I have torn my soul apart, from Pulling artlessly with fool commands Some nights I just never go to sleep at all And I stand Shaking in my doorway like a sentinel All alone Bracing like the bow upon a ship And fully abandoning Any thought of anywhere But home My home Sometimes I can almost feel the power And I do love you Is it only timing That has made it such a dark hour Only ever chiming out "Cuckoo, cuckoo"? My heart, I wear you down, I know Gotta think straight Keep a clean plate; Keep from wearing down If I lose my head Just where am I going to lay it? (For it has half-ruined me To be hanging around Here, among the daphne Blooming out of the big brown; I am native to it, but I'm overgrown I have choked my roots On the earth, as rich as roe Here Down in California.)