Patron Saint of Bridge Burners - When I Grow Up I Wanna Be Richey Edwards lyrics

My mother cries to me, she says "I can't carry on" My brother hides his head, he's sober and withdrawn Grandmother cries to me, says "I don't wanna die" And through all this, not once were you standing by my side Oh mother, I apologize for the person I've become Oh father, I apologize for the misdeeds that I've done Oh brother, I apologize, it's very overdue Oh lover, I apologize for ever meeting you I will drink myself near d**h and I will confess, too Even if you are not here for me to confess to How will it feel years and years down the line When you learn you can't love for the hundredth time? Oh my friends, I apologize but it's time I disappeared Oh family, I apologize but I cannot stay here Oh my friends, I apologize, can you hear it in my voice? I vanished a long, long time ago, I never had a choice And I will snub these cigarettes out upon my arm And bandage up my bloodied wrists each time they come to harm And vomit all my troubles, yes I will purge them out f** what I'm allowed to feel and allowed to sing about "God damn you all for trying to discredit self-pity, because three hours of sleep a night is starting to f**ing k** me. f** what I'm allowed to feel. f** you, and f** what I'm allowed to feel. I was going to name this project “Forbidden Colors” but the pretense made me want to hang myself."