When you've tried everything But crustaceans as castanets Will there be anything left But to drink yourself to d**h When are they going to make a machine That will write the songs for you? You've tried everything To be the king of anachronistic pop And you're no nearer to the top Do you think it's time to stop? When are you going to write the song That will make them all love you? At the album playback everyone talked all over your masterpiece Ate the canapes, the fluffy crab cakes The inspiration for crustaceans as castanets Well you've tried.... You've tried.... You've tried... Why do you bother going on tour When there's a band that sounds like you in every town? Do it for the canapes, the fluffy crab cakes The inspiration for crustaceans as castanets Now you've tried everything....