Hey, Dad! Been floating down the river To the place you retired to Away from the women who despise you I've been sad, 'cause all my friends resent me But I've got a plan for a miracle I'll sh** it out and put it on the table Dear Son Should I be a proud one? I saw what you said on the telly You made your mother sound so silly How is my offspring so pretentious But your art is lazy, trite and schlocky I should have signed you up for hockey