OpenBSD - CARP License / Redundancy must be free lyrics

Customer: Hello, I would like to buy a CARP license please Licenser: A what? Customer: A license for my network redundancy protocol, CARP Licenser: Well, it's free isn't it? Customer: Exactly, the protocol's name is CARP. CARP the redundancy protocol Licenser: What? Customer: He is an.... redundancy protocol Licenser: CARP is a free redundancy protocol Customer: Yes, I chose it out of three, I didn't like the others, they were all too... encumbered. And now I must license it Licenser: You must be a looney Customer: I am not a looney! Why should I be tied with the epithet looney merely because I wish to protect my redundancy protocol? I've heard tell that Network Associates has a pet algorithm called RSA used in IETF standards, and you wouldn't call them a looney; Geoworks has a claim on WAP, after what their lawyers do to you if you try to implement it. Cisco has two redundant patents, both encumbered, and Cadtrack has a patent on cursor movement! So, if you're calling the large American companies that fork out millions of dollars for the use of XOR a bunch of looneys, I shall have to ask you to step outside Licenser: Alright, alright, alright. A license Customer: Yes Licenser: For a free redundancy protocol? Customer: Yes Licenser: You are a looney Customer: Look, it allows for bleeding redundancy doesn't it? Cisco's got a patent for the HSRP, and I've got to get a license for me router VRRP Licenser: You don't need a license for your VRRP Customer: I bleeding well do and I got one. It can't be called VRRP without it Licenser: There's no such thing as a bloody VRRP license Customer: Yes there is Licenser: Isn't Customer: Is Licenser: Isn't Customer: I bleeding got one, look! What's that then? Licenser: This is a Cisco HSRP patent document with the word "Cisco" crossed out and the word "IETF" written in in crayon Customer: The man didn't have the right form Licenser: What man? Customer: Robert Barr, the man from the redundancy detector van Licenser: The looney detector van, you mean Customer: Look, it's people like you what cause unrest Licenser: What redundancy detector van? Customer: The redundancy detector van from the Monopoly of Cizzz-coeee Licenser: Cizzz-coeee? Customer: It was spelt like that on the van. I'm very observant! I never seen so many bleeding aerials. The man said that their equipment could pinpoint a failover configuration at 400 yards! And my Cisco router, being such a flappy bat, was a piece of cake Licenser: How much did you pay for that? Customer: Sixty quid, and twenty grand for the PIX Licenser: What PIX? Customer: The PIX I'm replacing Licenser: So you're replacing your PIX with free software, and yet you want to license it? Customer: There's nothing so odd about that. I'm sure they patented this protocol too. After all, the IETF had a hand in it Licenser: No they didn't Customer: Did Licenser: Didn't Customer: Did, did, did and did Licenser: Oh, all right Customer: Spoken like a gentleman, sir. Now, are you going to give me a CARP license? Licenser: I promise you that there is no such thing. You don't need one Customer: In that case, give me a Firewall License Licenser: A license? Customer: Yes Licenser: For your firewall? Customer: No Licenser: No? Customer: No, half my firewall. It had an accident Licenser: You're off your chump Customer: Look, if you intend by that utilization of an obscure colloquialism to imply that my sanity is not entirely up to scratch, or indeed to deny the semi-existence of my little half firewall, I shall have to ask you to listen to this! Take it away CARP the orchestra leader A zero... one.. A one zero one one VRRP, philosophically Must ipso facto standard be But standard it Needs to be free Vis a vis The IETF You see? But can VRRP Be said to be Or not to be A standard, see When VRRP can not be free Due to some Cisco patentry Singing... La Dee Dee, 1, 2, 3 VRRP ain't free O P E N B S D CARP is free Is this wretched Cisco-eze Let through IETF to mean My firewall must pay legal fees? No! CARP and PF are Free Fiddle dee dum Fiddle dee dee CARP and PF are free 1 1 2 Tee Hee Hee CARP and PF are free My firewall just keeps running, see Bisected accidentally One summer afternoon by me Redundancy's good when free Redundancy must be free Redundancy must be free The End Under the Geddy Lee? No, Redundancy must be free Geddy must be free