One Track Mike - Kick in the Ass lyrics

[Verse 1] When the drudgery of every day life starts to get to me Fouling up the flavor of my rice and beans recipe I can't do better than the best of my ability The rent check is late, they're turning off utilities f** it, I don't need electricity or gas To sit alone in the dark and be sad I need a friend to come and kick me in the a** [Verse 2] It's been three weeks and a day Since I last brush my teeth My breath is so bad that I can't smell my feet I'm a' throw in the towel 'Cause I just can't compete Got a boat, and a paddle But no sh** up my creek I'm that manic depressive, hermit, bona-fided freak On the floor in the corner whiping tears from my cheeks I don't want to talk I don't want to eat So just leave me alone so my self can defeat It's unbearable, but I prefer feeling terrible I don't need more advice Or another boring parable Really, it's over I got no more tears for your god damn shoulders I told you, to start treating me colder Or I'll get closer to calamity An unmotivated state On the crotch of insanity's panties In my poop stained pajamies Damn, B, better start acting manly, and do it fast [Hook] I need a friend to come and kick me in the a** I need a friend to come and kick me in the a** I need a friend to come and kick me in the a** I need a friend Some call me a quitter But it's more deep than that 'Cause every time I get up I get knocked on my back Why not stay flat? Where nothing bad can happen Away from all the acusations And the laughin False facts, and lies of the world outside I'm a' just sit here and count flies One Two Three, four, five That one died And I'm jealous If there was a prize for underzealous I would win it I'm just gunna start this song and never finish Get my little name in the big book of Guinness Underneath the title The most lackadaisical, unamazacle, underwhelming Scardy cat lazy rat ba*tard Depressing piece of crap in his cla** Who needs a friend to kick him in the a** [Hook] I've tried, but I can't put my past to the back of me I think of all the pain I've caused, and I atrophy Alone, sitting at home, with my phone, off the ringer Nost full of fingers Wonderin' if I'll ever have the strength to pull myself over obstacles Or if I'll just write moving on as impossible And give it up Nail the window and door shut And live it up Lonely, but liberated Cut off from the world My girl and my crew With nothing to eat and not a damn thing to do Except to sit and wait for someone to save me By putting one of they feet in the seat that god gave me Maybe then I'll finish first Instead of coming in last [Hook] (ad libs fading out)