Ogden Nash - The Sunset Years of Samuel Shy lyrics

Master I may be But not of my fate Now come the kisses, too many too late Tell me, O Parcae For fain would I know Where were these kisses three decades ago? Girls there were plenty Mint julep girls, beer girls Gay younger married and headstrong career girls The girls of my friends And the wives of my friends Some smugly settled and some at loose ends Sad girls, serene girls Girls breathless and turbulent Debs cosmopolitan, matrons suburbulent All of them amiable All of them cordial Innocent rousers of instincts primordial But even though health and wealth Hadn't yet missed me None of them Not even Jenny Once kissed me These very same girls Who with me have grown older Now freely relax with a head on my shoulder And now come the kisses A flood in full spate The meaningless kisses, too many too late They kiss me hello They kiss me goodbye Should I offer a light, there's a kiss for reply They kiss me at weddings They kiss me at wakes The drop of a hat is less than it takes They kiss me at co*ktails They kiss me at bridge It's all automatic, like slapping a midge The sound of their kisses Is loud in my ears Like the locusts that swarm every seventeen years I'm arthritic, dyspeptic Potentially ulcery And weary of kisses by custom compulsory Should my dear ones commit me As senile demential It's from kisses perfunctory, inconsequential Answer, O Parcae For fain would I know Where were these kisses three decades ago?