You wouldn't believe all the things I've done I've been around the world I've talked to everyone And I've shook everyone's hand And I even k**ed a man with my gun You wouldn't believe all the things I've done (Chorus) 'Cause I've jumped out of planes I've took the lord's name in vain Heaven help me there ain't no end in sight I think I'm going insane There's no one out there for me to relate this life to oh ohh oh oh ohh oh You wouldn't believe all the things I've done I've hung out with celebrities in the past And I've been buzzed, I've been high, I've been drunk I've made myself look like an a** And all of these things we do for fun You wouldn't believe all the things I've done (Chorus) You wouldn't believe all the things I've done I hiked down the side of the Grand Canyon I stripped down naked and I jumped in the ocean And I deployed for three long years And woah but I drank so much beer You wouldn't believe all the things I've done (Chorus) You wouldn't believe all the things I've done Like how I married my best friend But I've had to bury so many men I see their faces when I walk through Arlington And at night when I close my eyes Their voices and screams are my lullabies We've jumped out of planes We've took the Lord's name in vain Heaven help us there ain't no end in sight I think we're going insane And there's no one out there for us to relate our lives to oh ohh oh oh ohh oh oh ohh oh oh ohh oh