Mr. B The Gentleman Rhymer - Mr B's Christmas Song lyrics

You mistook me for a sterling coast I set about sending out an invitation to host For a Christmas soiree Well you'll be sorry You see your wife is chaste, well she's more like Mata Hari It's traditional to eat mince pies and such But an additional treat for me is much more festive In a carnal sense while you and Arnold Spence Shout down on ?arnes? thence I shall slip away from the turgid groom Of your 30s room and your wife ensume As you pontificate of where your life in doom Me and your trouble and strife do the old boom boom You can wait in vain under the mistletoe This'll go down like a little ho drowning in awkwardness Four quid less for sherry will get you muck, well do I give a damn? The duck is painted and your husband's waited on ?brew? So I might just ?rists? and I'd love to ring out Christmas with you I just might He's sick to his ?life? from drinking cheap sherry and ?strew? So I might just ?rists? and I'd love to ring out Christmas with you Be a sport! If you don't want your wife to act like a shareable who*e Then you must try not to be such a terrible bore I bear no animosity towards you just a sense of regret But I've done nothing illegal, yet The gift I give to your Christmas crib is from women's lib Now don't hit my rib Your wife does please me, but bound again ?teasy? When it's over garden fences it makes me quite queasy A cricket bat's for sport, not for violence and the like And isn't that the chain from your pedal bike? Well I'd like to hang around and shoot the breeze But I've become rather attached to my knees Yes I've shared Christmas kisses with your pissed up missus And I see that your wish is that I sleep with the fishes But I'm sure that you and your wife will be perfectly fine We're in the home counties, have a go on mine! The duck is painted and your husband's waited on ?brew? So I might just ?rists? and I'd love to ring out Christmas with you I just might He's sick to his ?life? from drinking cheap sherry and ?strew? So I might just ?rists? and I'd love to ring out Christmas with you Come on old chap! Boom boom Be a sport! Boom boom Boom boom