Monty Python - The Naval Medley lyrics

(Men) Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis? And isn't it frightfully good to have a dong? It's swell to have a stiffy It's divine to own a dick From the tiniest little tadger To the world's biggest prick So, three cheers for your Willy or John Thomas Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend Your Percy, or your co*k You can wrap it up in ribbons You can slip it in your sock But don't take it out in public Or they will stick you in the dock And you won't come back (Women) It's fun to own your own vagina It's great to have your friendly thatch Your minge, your twat, your kitty cat Your nest, your nasty or your snatch It's great to have a monkey furrow Your finger pie, your lunchbox or your catch Your cameltoe, your bearded clam Your bottom at the front Your monkey minge Your muffin Or your old Sir Berkely Hunt Your honeypot, your hairy friend But never call it "c*nt" Or we won't come back (Men) Isn't it awfully nice to own a bottom Isn't it frightfully good to have an arse It's swell to own a tushy It's divine to have a scut From the skinniest little bu*tocks To the worlds largest bu*t Three cheers for your posterior or an*s Hooray for your lovely sit-upon [wolf-whistle] Your fundament, your fanny, your cheeky little dear Your rump, your hauch, your hams Your stern, your fanny or your rear But be careful how you handle it or you'll be caught, I fear And you won't come back Company, by the right breast, squat! Camp it...up! My goodness me, I'm having a bad temper today, alright? Two, three Damn, damn, two, three I'm vexed and ratted, two, three And hopping mad, stamp, stamp Oooh, get her, whoops I've got your number, ducky Well, you couldn't afford me, dear, two, three I'll scratch your eyes out, two, three Meow! Two, three Don't come the rear admiral with us, dear We all know where you've been, you royal naval fairy, two, three Left, right, left, right Mother's kissing us tonight Whoops, don't look now, girls The captain's just minced in with a dolly little seaman, two, three Oooooh, two, three Hello, sailor!