[Intro: MC Paul Barman and samples] Who cooks for you? Who cooks for you? (Does anyone know the answer to that question?) (I don't know.) (I don't know.) (She looks me direct in the eye And replies) Who cooks for you all? [Verse 1: MC Paul Barman] Customers shop, discussioners stop A rich man steps to the clerk, busting her chops “I make more green than algae Loop-de-loops with ice cream scoops now are just nostalgie" (Oh really?) "Because I got coops of well-fed pheasants I made my web presence on the backs of dead peasants I got all types of cash And I'll talk trash like a hyperspazz ‘til my mouth catches diaper rash” She said, “Can a man remain posh Without being brainwashed? Is it really all web sites, tennis whites, and playing squash? What a jerk, was he trying to flirt?” As the clerk got back to work, another guy went berserk A crazy guy with a paisley tie And one gla** and one lazy eye came in His brain was spongy Grade D lunch meat Held together with a scrunchy Wait til' you find out what he said “If y'all are so destitute How come you're dressed so cute? Sometimes it's best to toot My own horn About my idiosyncrasies I video pink pussies I shoot my own p**n Cause it's wrong to rape a s*ut It's wrong to penetrate the paper cut Where an origami truck scraped her bu*t I'm pacing and pa**ionate Cause my cupcake had hash in it Look, a dopey fairy Is chasing a doggy topiary I'm'a help her with catching it! I'm outta here” The clerk, she just rolled her eyes You could say he told her lies But she'll let any old tramp in Nothing sold is no surprise And they're lampin' (Chilling indeed) At the Anarchist Bookstore [Hook: MC Paul Barman] Who cooks for you? Who cooks for you? Who cooks for you all? [Verse 2: MC Paul Barman] As the clerk worked on a blurb about herb Another berserker jumped in off the curb Wearing a metal mask “May I help you?” she, unsettled, asked “Outside there's an army of Metal Faces And in several cases They're ready to dead all shtetl places This is it Adults'll need protection.” She said, “Yeah, but what changes when you're done? Nothing. Like the results of an election.” He said, “Oh, so I should just call it off? Go back to the house, douse the Molotov?” "Listen, You want to see our city in flames Cause you're full of pity and blame You just want the freedom to sit at home and play videogames Maybe we could drain some ingrained aggression If you came for a training session” He said, “I don't want to volunteer I'm calling y'all in here To flash some sack And smash the Mac And get outside, it's action-packed I don't know if you are, but all of you look poor Now let's leave (I ain't goin' in there) the Anarchist Bookstore [Outro] Who cooks for you? Who cooks for you? (Does anyone know the moral of that story?) Who cooks for you all? (Story) (Yeah...yeah...does kind of look like he's been s**in' on the loco weed) (Hey, like, far out, like) (Ahahahaha) (Ah wanna try some LSD mixed with cyanide and a ---) (Hey, hey, man I told you) (No, noo, nooo!) (Tripped a lot out here in the woods lately) (I never did like him anyhow) (You won't get away with this, cracker) (She looks me direct in the eye And replies) (I can feel it! I can feel it!) (Ahahahaha)