MC Paul Barman - The Joy of Your World lyrics
My brain makes the earth dark But I'm hung like a birthmark I like to s** toes Yours secrete fructose I make paintings based On grids just like Chuck Close I'm old school like Aztecs But new in other aspects If you want s** with me Be prepared for bad s** And slapstick Even ChapStick Won't help my chapped dick When I'm with a naked chick I use a faker dick A turkey baster laced with Elmer's To make it stick My ex fled to Reykjavik We really were trying Mmm, you're so wet "My p**y's crying" I need an eye exam And a vagina with no diaphragm Or condom I'm pond scum I'm going to buy a lamb And when we make love I'll envision titty humping Which looks like a Venn diagram Eww. This isn't dope I feel like I'm pissing Scope Lamby's a misanthrope I asked her to stop moving Does she listen? Nope The sheep was a clone So I was a creep on the phone Now I'm sleeping alone With her photo on my nightstand In a sepia tone The joy of your world is Paul Barman Yes the joy of your world is Paul Barman After this rap I'll be In Napoli, happily Proposing to my chosen Under an apple tree "Let's get married" I don't walk, I get carried By a motorcade Of voter-age Women on Rollerblades In cute sleeveless shirts Exposing their shoulder blades But I'm a lonely guy Since my honey-pie Ran off with Ione Skye Now I've got nothing whatsoever Ugly-broke-arrogant But so clever When I write rhymes on brown bags And in shower steam Paul and I are the power team We'll leave you deflowered With a mouth full of sour cream Gobble this obelisk Now the joy of your world is Paul Barman Yeah the joy of your world is Paul Barman My Close Pals Aunts Uncles Leaders Nations And Towns Hamlets And Neighboring Islands Everyone Landlords Bosses And Relatives Moms And Newborns Somehow when I act thirteen I'm a gorgeous girl tractor beam This one was dressed to k** From her head to my testicle She was from west of Phil- ly and spoke well of it She said, "Just for the hell of it Let's not be celibate." I got all higgledy-piggledy It's a big relief When I take off my fig, uh, leaf She said, "Dad, let's get at this" But her cat and an unpotted cactus Sat on her mattress That sure made it saturated With sharp thorns and cat piss I put on a hip-hop beat While she whipped off the top sheet She said, "Come to bed I like my undergrads underfed They amaze how they stay up days On mayonnaise and Wonder Bread." I dove in her cervix a lot Like Sir Mix-a-Lot This interlude Is for the women I've interviewed About the cli*oris And how to make it less hit-or-miss Should we be gentle? Is it all mental? I won't use a dental Dam 'cause it discourages My urges to submerge in her jizz She said, "My goodness You should just Use clues that's nonverbal You're too vigorous If my cli*oris, For example, turns purple" It was time to copulate But we didn't want to populate So my bold groin Reached for my gold coin Prophylactic I unwrapped it You can't know how I felt It wasn't a gold coin condom It was chocolate Hanukkah gelt The white part crumbled on her tummy And the rest began to melt Foiled again