Mallory Whitten - Things I Remember My Great-Grandparents Doing lyrics

Great Grandpa fondles his penis while watching Jeopardy and tells ~5-year-old me to "get the hell outta here" when I ask what he's doing. Great Grandma carries around a baby-doll while bouncing slightly and rubbing its face as if to get it to stop crying. Puts it on the counter face down and spanks it telling it loudly to "settle down." Great Grandpa charges to the door and throws his shoe at the "Nazi" African American mailman then tells us all we could have died. Great Grandma is feeding me stringy sweet potatoes one night on Halloween with a large wooden spoon. A kid rings the doorbell and she lets them in. I see the kid in an alligator costume and throw up because I am so scared. After she hands the alligator ~5 shortbread cookies, my grandma insists on feeding me my throw up and that it is "perfectly fine." My mom shows up minutes later and I am done eating throw up. Great Grandpa scoops sugar into his coffee with his dentures counting the scoops out-loud after a night of smearing his sh** down the bathtub drain. Great Grandpa insists on putting a wooden board under the sheets on his side of the bed and says "this is how we slept in the army." That night he pees in bed and it runs down the wood onto my grandma. Great Grandma tries to potty train infants. [Great Grandpa dies] Great Grandma only eats salami sandwiches and room temperature Pepsi. Great Grandma finds out my mom is pregnant and insists she names the child Esther, which is her name. Great Grandma loses control of her bladder and takes over the reclining chair for urinating purposes. Great Grandma insists on bringing the reclining chair to the nursing home with her. While visiting her in the nursing home a cart of water bottles is wheeled by her door. She starts screaming while pointing out the door saying "THEY ARE TRYING TO KILL US! THOSE ARE BOMBS!" then tells my mom to "get the child" away from the TV cabinet because "the devil is in there." [Great Grandma dies] Other Great Grandpa puts bread in the microwave for an extended period of time with the intent of making toast and sets a fire, causing the fire alarm to go off and the nursing home to evacuate its residents.