Lil Dicky - Ex-Boyfriend lyrics

Ey what's going on man? It's your boy Lil Dicky A.K.A Mr. Leftward-Sloping Penis I got a story for y'all man Peep this Yessir [Verse 1: Lil Dicky] Now I been datin this girl named Katie, she hot as hell And her body crazy, vagina shaven and it dont smell And I don't fall for chickens But this one a little different Body sickening Plus she really good at making breaded chicken Got me thinkin she the one man Even fully clothed, shawty really fun man Get a lotta hoes, but none of those come close I swear this the most that I've felt so damn exposedddd Oh yeah there's one more thing And I know this sh** gonna sound insane But I still haven't hit it I admit it, I wish I was kidding Never been up inside before Because shes only f**ed one guy before And though I really wanna boink this who*e She ma sweetie 3.14 So I'm stayin patient, and masturbating And now ma heart is sorta racing Cuz she said tonight will be the night we do some fornicating Hell yeah, I'm down, I'm bout to go all out I'm gonna pound that crazy, like an elaborate black man handshake But on the way to crib, we pa** this kid And he seem to know who Katie is So I say "who this" and she say Dicky, this is my ex boyfriend Jim" [Hook 1: Lil Dicky] And I ain't usually the one to be the jealous type But as I'm lookin at this dude I can't believe my eyes Cuz he's the best looking guy that I've seen in my whole life He's got the thickest head of hair, chiseled jaw, an egregious bod Man this the closest thing I've seen to a Grecian god And now I'm lookin at ma chick, cuz his dick's been inside her rawww [Verse 2: Lil Dicky] Awww damn Man this is crazy I can't believe this guy used to f** ma lady I bet he left that p**y ravaged like Haiti Katie's huggin and squeezing his shoulder blades And I'm buggin and queasy, this ain't okay And then they say, "let's get drinks" so I say okay Even though I was about to get laid! Man this maf**a look like Ashton Combined wit a lil Hugh Jackman In other words, he's so damn attractive So damn tan he gotta have a little black in him Now I'm in the back wit him, sippin on some 'gnac wit him And he payin for it all, he investment bankin... I'm acting, like i ain't distracted But I'm reenacting him and Katie bangin And now I'm feelin pissed, so I go and take a piss Mid stream, I look left and guess who it is And I had to see, and I was mad discrete And I got on my tippy toes and I took a little peek Oh my god becky, look at that co*k [Hook 2: Lil Dicky] And I ain't usually the one to be the jealous type But as I'm lookin at his dick, I can't believe me eyes Because he's got the biggest co*k that I've seen in my whole life And now I'm starin at this dude's soft dick with a lotta hate Because the sh** is plus 8 like Jon and Kate And I don't know if I can date ma girl after tonighttttt Aw damn [Verse 3: Lil Dicky] I don't know what to do Dude's dick is really huge I didn't realize a penis could be so smooth I know she's missin that My penis isn't that I'm lookin closer I think that his dick has abs Six pack on a dick Now what the f** is that It's so long and thick It's like a punching bag I'm sayin it's so shaven, head is amazing Got ma dick looking like a raisin Skin tone insane, man he's hung like Saddam Hussein, it's crazy What the f** should I do? He gotta Ruth's Chris dick, and mine's a drive thru.... I think it's time to Tell Katie ma goodbyes Cuz I simply can't survive After seeing what was in between his thighs So I tell her [Hook 3: Lil Dicky] That this dude's gotta dick that I don't comprehend I had to move ma neck to see it end to end I mean the physics of his dick just don't make any sense And I think it's for the best if this comes to an end Because the s** with him must have been the best And I would say let's just be friends But I think I would just think about his dick all the time, so goodbye Then she told me Dicky I don't really know what to say Because I dated this dude in second grade So I don't know about his dick, now let's go home and get you laid And then I took her to ma crib, and you know that we barely slept And I gave her an O like I was selling crack, and when I came I pulled out and nutted all over her left thigh And upper mid-section region You can call that the pelvis Some would even call that the pubic bone Leave the pubes at home Making this up on the spot f** you know about it I'm about to go paper-mache my own dick and ride it