Kevin Gilbert - Suit Fugue (Dance of the A&R men) lyrics

Hi, John, it's Mel from Meglaphone I've been listening to your tape for the 19th time Oh that's another call - can I call you? Back when I was in a band we used to sound like this And I loved your songs, they reminded me of myself You sound like Air Supply meets GWAR In a good way; Here's my other number Can you wait for just a sec - That's another call coming in, I'll get back to you Have my girl take your information Hi, John, it's Guy from Groan-o-phone Heard some talk about the band and the way you sing I really think it's great - can we make a Deal with me, call me a friend, we'll be a family You're a talented individual If you sign here on the dotted line… that's good And my nephew will be your producer Yo, John, it's Bill from Biddybum Word is traveling around that you've got some tunes We will not be outbid - Radio is in the bag, we own the chart They will not add your song Without checking with our promotion staff, now we Hi, John, it's Shep from Shinola We should really do a lunch Quite a tape indeed - my secretary flipped You're a genius My name is Johnny Virgil (hammer hammer hammer hammer) I play this here guitar (schmooze schmooze schmooze schmooze) I play it for myself (patronize, patronize, pa** the buck, pa** the buck) (weadle weadle weadle weadle, sell sell sell sell) CAN WE SPEAK CANDIDLY?! Got hands that move like clockwork (hammer hammer hammer hammer) A voice that carries far (schmooze schmooze schmooze schmooze) Got a love for nothing else (patronize, patronize, pa** the buck, pa** the buck) (weadle weadle weadle weadle, sell sell sell sell) LET'S BE SPONTANEOUS! Hi, Jack, it's Al from A&R You don't really need the band they are in the way We only wanted you anyway so Dump the band, you are the face You better wise up fast This is not a game - we're professionals Did I mention that you won't be out this year Cannot be helped - go take a vacation One more thing that you should know We're all counting on you to be Our new golden boy Lots of lives and jobs in the balance Virgil, it's Pete, your president Calling to congratulate you on your fine choice You must be very proud, so are we I'm sure your music is terrif although I must admit I don't listen to much of any thing Did I mention that I used to have a band? I have to run, been great talking to you Hi, Joe, about publicity Thought about the photo op with the cripple No, we need a sharper hook - like a scandal Maybe you could rape a nun Or better still a priest Some androgyny could be interesting, shall we? Hi, Jim, it's Val from video Who decided on your hair? Can we cut it off? We'd like to see a buzz bin rotation My name is Johnny Virgil (weasel weasel weasel weasel, lie lie lie lie) I play this here guitar… (pacify, pacify, jack you off, jack you off) Ah, f** it (shuffle shuffle shuffle shuffle, yawn yawn yawn yawn) ARE YOU A PRIORITY! My name is Johnny Virgil (weasel weasel weasel weasel, lie lie lie lie) I'm gonna be a star (pacify, pacify, jack you off, jack you off) And this is how it's done (shuffle shuffle shuffle shuffle, yawn yawn yawn yawn) DO YOU WANT A HIT OF THIS?