I am terrified that I have a vortex of sadness within me that you cannot reach I want to pull out my large intestine and my heart's interior And cut them with scissors so I can be free And finally be free from this illness that I hide in the depths and shadow and being It is not ambiguous, I wish it were ambiguous These chills and this nausea and this fever sweat I don't know how to be important And this I am realizing for the first time in my life